Living Another Day
by Myra2003
Summary: NOW COMPLETE!  It is really the end. Bonnie is dead.  Rhett seems to have lost his mind and Scarlett is living a nightmare. Can they pick up the broken pieces of their lives and have a chance at happiness and love before it's too late?
1. Rhett

"Living Another Day."

Note: I couldn't resist posting the first part of my new story. It isn't like Love In Tara and is a little more "dark" since it takes place after Bonnie's death. But please tell me what you think. I'm on a roll with this story and I all ready have a few other chapters finished so you all won't have to wait too long to see what happens next.

Part 1

Scarlett wanted to forget. To desperately forget that her little girl was gone. She would no longer see her tumbling black curls or hear her merry little laugh. There wouldn't be the days that she would watch Bonnie proudly sit on Mr. Butler, her blue eyes dancing like pa's with the Irish pride. Oh how she wanted to forget!

She took a sip of wine and nearly gagged. She remembered Rhett saying once long ago it wasn't good to drink alone because someone always found out and it ruined ones reputation. The sudden thought of Rhett made her hurt all the more. She downed the wine and clutched her pounding temples. If only Bonnie would run through the door and jump on her bed, she wouldn't mind now. She wished she could take away every harsh word she had said to her youngest child. Now it was too late.

Why was everything in her life always too late? She had been too late in seeing Ellen before she died, too late in telling Rhett that she had wanted the baby, too late in being a mother to Bonnie. Always the most precious people in her life were taken away and she couldn't stop it.

A loud bang pierced the stillness. Scarlett held her breath, a hand coming to her heart as if to still its mad beating. In a flash her mind wandered to a time before. The shot sounded like a gun, she thought , I remember the sound of a gun at Tara, during the war. She tried to remember where she had heard it but it hurt too much to think or feel.

She laid back down on her bed and rested her pounding head against a pillow. Oh, if only she could sleep. Just to close her eyes and not see the haunting images in her mind. The sound of the splintering wood, Bonnie falling and Rhett's hoarse cry. If only she could drown it away forever.

"Bonnie," she whispered aloud in anguish. The tears wouldn't come. And Rhett wouldn't speak to her. He had locked himself in his room with the lifeless body of their daughter. She had pounded and pounded on the door but he hadn't answered. Melanie had been the only one aloud to enter Rhett's room, but even Melanie's pleas to send for the undertaker had fallen on deaf ears. He refused to bury Bonnie.

That had been yesterday and the slow nightmare continued to come at an alarming speed. She hadn't seen Rhett since she had fainted. She could hear his savage voice behind the closed door when she knocked, telling her to go away. Mammy said Rhett had lost him mind.

Suddenly someone began pounding loudly on her door. She sat up and wondered if it was Rhett. Oh, if only it were him so they could comfort each other. To have him hold her in his arms and take away this nightmare as he had in the earlier years of their marriage. Quickly, slipping off of her bed she rushed to the door and threw it open. Mammy was there, her face working and tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Miss Scarlett, Mistah Rhett he done gone crazy. He has a gun and he ran out de door and... You must stop him Miss Scarlett. He gonna kill himself! And the children saw him... Mah lamb I ain't never seen such a look in a man's eyes black or white before."

Scarlett stood frozen. A gun? She remembered the shot just a few minutes before. Fear came upon her like she had never known before. No, not Rhett too. With a cry she pushed past Mammy and ran as fast as she could, her mourning dress catching around her legs and her corset cutting into her sides.

She saw Wade and Ella standing in the hall next the banister of the staircase. Wade had a terrified look on his face and Ella was crying brokenly, her face buried. She couldn't comfort them, she had to go to Rhett.

"Wade where's Rhett?" she demanded, grabbing his shoulders and peering into his face, her face pale and strained. Wade didn't speak and she shook him. "Where is he?"

"H-he went in the backyard w-w-with a gun." Wade's brown eyes were stricken with fear. "He came out of the room and left Bonnie," he finished as a ragged sob was torn from his throat. He held Ella tightly to him and she sobbed all the more.

Scarlett's eyes darted to the stairs and she quickly ran down. Dark memories flashed in her mind as they always did by the stairs. But she pushed them aside for Rhett was all that mattered. Please don't let him be dead, she silently prayed.

Pork was standing at the bottom of the stairs and quickly walked towards her, stopping her pursuit towards the door. "Miss Scarlett!" he cried. His face was scared and his body trembled as he blocked her way. "Don't go out der, Mistha Rhett he..."

She pushed him roughly away. "Let me pass!"

She stumbled towards the doors leading out to the verandah. The doors were wide open and the sheer white curtains blew with the heavy wind in a frenzy. The pouring rain hit her face and the wind was fierce, pushing against her where her black skirts tangled around her legs. She could barley walk or see as her eyes frantically scanned the yard and then she saw him.

Rhett was kneeled on the ground, Mr. Butler lying on his side before him, unmoving. Rhett's white shirt clung to him and was half open, showing his chest which was rising and falling heavily. He clutched the gun in his strong hands and seemed to caress it.

She cautiously walked down the stairs leading to the yard from the verandah. His face didn't even lift up to look at her. It was all a nightmare, a slow sickening nightmare that couldn't be true. But it was true. She couldn't quit staring at the pony which lay dead with a shot in its side, red blood seeping from the wound. Bonnie's beloved pony was dead and a sob welled in her throat. She covered her mouth to keep the scream from escaping.

"Ah, Mrs. Butler," he suddenly said, looking up at her with a strange smile. "So you decided to join me after all? How gracious of you to care."

She couldn't drag her eyes from his. His eyes were blood shot and his face haggard no longer the Rhett Butler she had known. She had seen that look before. Pa, she thought, oh pa. And Rhett still held the gun and she wondered would he shoot himself? An icy fear clutched her.

"Rhett, please let's go inside," she softly begged over ther wind, no longer caring if he laughed at her. She'd rather have him laugh at her if it would take that look out of his eyes. She walked forward, her palms upward in a gesture of appeal. She reached for him but the look he gave her made her shrink back in fear.

He rose to his feet, looming darkly over her, the gun still in his hand. "You'd like that wouldn't you, darling?" he hissed. "But don't you think death would be far more pleasant? No? Well I do." He raised the gun to his chest, the barrel pressed hard against it. "Just one pull and I'd be done with, in hell's fire. But of course it would be your face I'd see and not my Bonnie's. You'd be laughing at me, your green eyes mocking, while the fires of hell licked my feet. Wouldn't you?"

She couldn't answer him. She stood paralyzed, staring at the dark faced stranger before her. He had become mad. This man that she was married to, who she used to run to and who used to tenderly hold Bonnie and laugh with her. He was laughing but this time it didn't reach his eyes. The gun was still pointed at his heart.

Suddenly his large hands closed over her shoulders, part of the gun crushed against her arm in a deafening grip and she cried out in fear. She struggled against him instinctively, to save herself from the biting pain of his fingers over her shoulders. But he held her even more tightly.

"Wouldn't you, Scarlett? If I were dead, your torturous heart wouldn't mourn. No, you'd laugh and put your greedy hands on my money. I bet you wouldn't shed a tear. Well, I can be dead in just one second." He released her and pushed her backwards, she stumbled.

"Rhett-"

"Shut up damn you!" he roughly yelled, his eyes glittering dangerously. He gave her a smile. He wasn't teasing her as he so often did, he was utterly serious.

"I'll just point the gun just so at my heart and I'll shoot-"

"No!" she cried springing forward without thought of her well-being. She grabbed at the gun. "Damn you Rhett Butler!" she screamed, not able to see anything but fighting blindly with him, trying to pull the gun from his grasp. "N-no! Rhett stop! Please stop."

She had the gun, she could feel it in her hands as she fell backwards to the ground, landing roughly on her side. She lay there looking up at him through the pounding rain. She was shaking, her whole body shaking. And Rhett's big body was trembling, she could see his face work for an instant.

She rose to her shaking legs with difficulty and left the gun on the ground. He was staring at her, his dark eyes strange and turbulent. His face wasn't clean shaven but dark and foreboding. She had to make him understand. She had to get his mind back to sanity.

"Rhett, please listen to me. You're scaring the children. Let me send them away then we'll have Bonnie's funeral..."

"You heartless bitch!" he hissed. "Do you think I'd put my daughter in the dark and out in the cold? She isn't leaving my side."

She sucked in a deep breath. Did Rhett hate her so much? Couldn't he see she too loved Bonnie and the thought of burying her brave little girl tore at her? Oh, if only she could make him understand!

"Rhett, do you think I want Bonnie buried? But she's dead and she- she."

He wasn't listening to her. He was staring past her at the pony with a grim smile on his face. She felt sickened to her stomach and wanted to retch. Oh anything to get that look off of his face.

"Listen to me damn you!" she cried and raising her hand she slapped him across the face hard. His eyes glittered and that strange look left his face. She continued rapidly, "Bonnie is dead! Dead you hear me?" She advanced on him and pushed at his chest, her eyes glittering. "Dead! B-Bonnie is..."

He roughly grabbed her shoulders and began to shake her as a sob escaped from her throat and her voice trailed off. Tears filled her eyes. She looked up at Rhett with a pleading look. The angry look disappeared from his eyes and they darkened with pain. Suddenly, a hoarse cry erupted from his throat as his big body went down roughly to his knees. He buried his face in his large hands. His shoulders were shaking, and only then did she realize he was crying. Rhett Butler, who she had never seen cry a day in her life, who was always so mocking and brave was crying.

Her eyes widened and she felt helpless. She wanted to throw her arms around him and comfort him. For the first time she felt compassion towards him without contempt. Perhaps it was the first time in her life she felt compassion for anyone without a motive.

"Oh Rhett!" she whispered and slowly reached a tentative hand towards his bowed head. He raised his head and their eyes met. His searching and his tears mingled with the rain.

"Don't touch me," he raggedly said. "I'm a murderer after all. Isn't that what you called me yesterday?" He rose to his feet unsteadily. "Ah, yes you said that I murdered Bonnie."

Scarlett let out a gasp and she paled. Now she remembered yelling that through the door at him. She had been so full of grief and angry that he wouldn't let her in the room to see Bonnie. She hadn't been in her right mind as words of blame had rolled off of her tongue. She had said it because she had wanted to hurt him for he had hurt her. She bowed her head in shame.

"What," he asked, "no remarks or defenses? You disappoint me."

She finally met his eyes.

"Rhett, please believe me I didn't mean those things that I said. I-"

He chuckled bitterly. "Don't lie to me, Scarlett. You meant every word you said. And you know what? I am a murderer. Oh, yes I see that look in your eyes, you can't bear the sight of me can you?"

"Rhett, please don't," she begged faintly. She felt like she was going to faint. Why wouldn't he stop laughing in that hollow way and stop throwing barbs at her? Why wouldn't he take her in his arms and tell her everything would be all right? But he was laughing once again.

"No, my dear I don't please anymore." He walked over to her and thrust his hands in her face. She stared at his hands, so large that had caressed her and that had soothed her. But they were also capable of violence. She tried not to cringe at the thought he had shot that innocent pony.

"Look at my hands," he continued in a low voice. "They have blood on them. I murdered a black man for being uppity, I shot that stupid girl's brother in Charleston, I shot that pony and yes I murdered my own daughter. Four marks against my black soul but do I give a damn? No. I know I'm going to hell but as for you my dear... you'll suffer here on earth for this is where hell really is."

His hands had moved away from her and back to his sides. She didn't understand what he was saying. She only knew she preferred going to hell then to living another day in this torment. Each word he said was only a knell striking against her heart.

"And these hands will do likewise to you if you touch Bonnie," he threatened. "If you go near her, Scarlett, so help me God, you'll have the same fate as that pony over there."

Without another word he was walking towards the steps and into the house. Scarlett let out a ragged sob and huddled on the ground, welcoming the rain. She stared at the pony a few feet away from her. Numbly, her mind registered what Rhett had said. Burying her face in her hands she cried for the loss of her beautiful little girl and the loss of Rhett.


	2. To Let Go

Note: You guys and gals are so amazing and wonderful. I was so touched with all of your reviews! Each of you are so generous. 11 reviews for one chapter was a new record :) You have really kept me writing. So here's chapter 2 and I'm sorry about the cliff hanger but I promise this week I'll have chapter 3 up within the next few days. Sp enjoy and please tell me what you all think.

Part 2

Melanie was in front of him but Rhett couldn't bring himself to look at her. He couldn't take his eyes off of his Bonnie lying before him. Her face was shadowed from the darkness shrouding his room. Only a couple of lanterns were lit as they always were when she was sleeping.

Only now she wasn't sleeping. Her small face, once so vibrant and rosy was pale. He touched her cheek lightly and let out a ragged breath. Her cheeks were cool to the touch. All life was gone from her. Even her rosebud mouth that had once smiled so sweetly was blue. His darling Bonnie was dead and it was all his fault. He would never forgive himself.

Sanity was slowly returning. He had been filled with rage these past two days since her death. When Dr. Meade had said her neck broke he had burst. Sobbing next to her still form, burying his face in her neck. He couldn't remember the last time he had cried before then. But the moment he knew she was dead he had cried for the loss of his Bonnie.

He had staid with her, the door locked for the whole day. He couldn't eat, sleep or leave her. He wanted a drink but he couldn't even bring himself to leave her side and rummage through his cupboards. Then the rage had come and yesterday he had stormed out like a mad man with his gun in hand. Wade and Ella had been terrified but he was driven to punish that pony for throwing his Bonnie.

The pony had been standing out on the lawn, the poor creature just standing there, next to the jump which had been broken when Bonnie had fallen. The rain was coming down heavy and the pony was soaked. Raising the gun he had shot the pony in the side. The animal had easily died. And falling to his knees he thought of Bonnie. This had been his last link to her. How she had loved that pony. But she was no longer here and if that animal hadn't thrown her, she would still be alive.

He had been huddled there, still holding the gun. How easy it would have been to pull the trigger and end the pain. He wasn't mindful of the cold wind and the rain. The thought that crossed his mind is he would be out of this torment. He wasn't sure if he believed in hell but anything was better then this. Life without Bonnie, the light of his life, was a living hell.

"Captain Butler," Melanie softly pleaded. "Please, you must eat."

His eyes left Bonnie and he looked over at Melanie. She was sitting in his large chair, her small form shivering. Her face was pale but her brown eyes kind and full of compassion. She looked so much like a young child, only wanting to help and please. So innocent like Bonnie. His throat caught.

"I'm not hungry," he roughly said. Seeing the pained look in her eyes he felt like a cad. He knew he shouldn't be rude to Melanie. She had never done a thing to harm him from the day he had known her but helped Scarlett and him.

"But Bonnie would want you to eat," she soothed. "Do you think she'd want to see you starve yourself to death? Please, Captain Butler for Bonnie, Scarlett and me."

He rose from his seat and grabbed the tray of soup. He didn't want to eat this damned soup. Bonnie would never eat again so why should he enjoy it? He forced the spoon in his mouth and nearly gagged on the soup. But he forced himself to slowly take sips. If only Melanie wasn't so kind hearted he would have threw her bodily out and to hell with her pleas. But he couldn't do it, not to her. Scarlett on the other hand was a different matter.

"I wish I were dead," he mumbled. He didn't know why but he wanted to confess everything to this small child-like woman. The words burned to be said that had been in his soul for days. "I would have killed myself... I shot Bonnie's pony," he admitted gruffly.

No look of reproach was on her face. "I know, Captain Butler. And I understand. Do you think I would condemn you for it? No." She rose to her feet and kneeled in front of him, taking his hand in hers.

Rhett felt like a child. Not a man that had seen the whole world and had faced hell on earth. Melanie was watching him with a kind expression, her eyes encouraging him to continue and he sighed wearily, leaning his head against the back of the chair and closing his eyes.

"I wanted to kill myself, and I would have," he admitted, "If Scarlett hadn't stopped me."

When Scarlett had stood before him he had been shocked. The way she had trembled and cried, fighting against him with all of her strength. She had been pale and thin but still fought, begging and pleading. Scarlett didn't grovel and had never thought about anyone but herself. He then wondered why she had seemed genuinely scared and compassionate towards him. He knew it wasn't so and his mind had been playing tricks on him. But if she hadn't had diverted his attention he might as well be dead. He wondered if he should thank or curse her.

"Oh Captain Butler no!" Melanie cried. "You mustn't consider such a thing again. Scarlett would be so heartbroken. She loves you so."

He laughed grimly.

"Miss Melly, Scarlett hates me. She has never loved me a day in her life. She blames me about Bonnie's death as much as I blame myself. God," he breathed, looking over at Bonnie. "What will I do without her?"

"Go on Captain Butler," she gently said. "That's all any of us can do. And remember her sweetly and all the good times. Remember the light she brought into your and Scarlett's life. But you must move on."

His eyes met her fierce ones that shun with determination. What a selfless woman she was. She had nothing but heart. A feeling of gratitude washed over him. Taking her hand in his he gently kissed it. God, he knew what he had to do even though the thought of parting with his daughter was unfathomable.

"Thank you, Miss Melly for all you have done for Scarlett and me," he said. "Tell Mammy to send for the undertaker... But will you leave me alone with her for a minute?"

"Of course."

Rising to her feet her eyes went to Bonnie's and she smiled a little sadly. She had loved Bonnie as much as if this child had been her own daughter. With heavy eyes he watched Melanie open the door and slip out, shutting it quietly behind her.

He rose to his feet and took Bonnie's small hand in his. He remembered when she was a little baby how she would reach up with her tiny hands and hold onto his finger. If only he could relive those days and see those blue eyes again. Kneeling down, he gently kissed her tiny hand and smoothed her hair away from her face.

"Bonnie, I'll miss you sweetheart but I have to let you go," he whispered raggedly. "Daddy will always love you though and you'll always be my little girl. My brave little Bonnie..."

He stared at her for the last time with swimming eyes. It hurt so damned much to let her go. It's as if he was being stabbed in the heart and it was torn into shreds. Never had he known such pain, even the pain he felt over Scarlett loving Ashley was nothing compared to this. He had lost the best part of himself and it could never be replaced.

"Give your sweetheart a kiss," he softly murmured giving her one last kiss to her forehead. He remembered how her lips would pucker and she'd give him a snacking kiss with a giggle. He touched her cheek one last time and forced his feet to move towards the door. His mind was numb and he was suddenly tired, very tired. He hadn't slept for three days he realized. Opening the door he stumbled out and saw Melanie speaking with Mammy.

Mammy nodded and with one look at him she quickly went down the stairs. Melanie smiled and walked over to him, putting a comforting hand on his arm. "You need sleep Captain Butler," she said gently.

He shook his head. "I can't Miss Melly. Not until Bonnie..." He sighed and raked a hand through his hair. "Well, you know what I mean."

She nodded, a weak smile on her face. He then noticed how pale and tired she also looked. He knew she must have been awake days trying to comfort Scarlett and himself. He berated his own selfishness. She needed to go home.

"Miss Melly you must go home. Indeed I order you to. You're wearing yourself out."

"Oh, don't worry about me Captain Butler," she whispered. "I need to be here for Wade and Ella..."

He cringed at the name of his step-children. He remembered their horrified looks and how rough he had been when he had ordered them to go to their rooms. They had been stricken. He closed his eyes, God, what a mess he had made of things. Because of him Bonnie was dead, his step-children were deathly afraid of him and Scarlett hadn't come out of her room for a day now.

"How are the children?" he asked with a weary sigh. "I know I scared them when I shot the pony..."

"I explained everything to them," Melanie softly said, leaning against the wall for support. "But they are in there room and I think it best if you speak with them." His eyes met Melanie's and he knew with resignation he must go speak with the children.

"Yes, I'll speak with them. Scarlett told me she wanted to send them to Tara so I'll see about that too."

"And Captain Butler," she added. "I hope I'm not being too forward but I beg you to speak with Scarlett. She thinks you hate her and she is beside herself with grief. Of course she doesn't let it on. She is so strong you know."

Maybe she was too strong for her own good, he thought. He knew Melanie was trying to keep him busy for when the undertaker came. But she was also genuinely worried about the children and Scarlett. Yes, he'd speak to the children first.

"Miss Melly I'll go speak with the children and could you please tell Scarlett I'll come to speak with her soon. I don't want her surprised and I frankly don't know how she'll react."

Melanie smiled. "She'll be relieved but I will tell her. Good-by Captain Butler."

Rhett took her hand gently in his and kissed it. "Thank you for everything Miss Melly. From the bottom of my heart I'll always be indebted to you. And if there's anything you ever need please don't hesitate to tell me."

Melanie blushed but smiled. With another good-by she was down the hall headed for Scarlett's sanctuary. He watched Melanie knock and then she slip in. Now, the children. Rhett tiredly made his way to the children's room. The door was ajar and peeking inside he saw Wade sitting on his bed with Ella seated on the floor talking with him. For a moment he remembered when Bonnie had sat on that very floor playing dolls with Ella. For a second it hurt him to breathe but he forced his mind from memories of Bonnie. Clearing his throat gently, both children looked up.

"Hello," he gently said, seeing their fear. "May I come in?"

"Y-yes," the children said in unison and Rhett cautiously made his way in. He knew he had to be gentle and saw the fragile barrier between them. He sighed and sat on the edge of Wade's bed.

"I wanted to tell you two that I'm sorry," he said, dropping his eyes. "You both didn't deserve my harsh treatment."

"It's okay Uncle Rhett," Wade said with a small smile. "We understand that you miss Bonnie." the last word was said in a whisper.

Rhett's throat caught. "Yes, yes I do miss her. But that's no excuse to treat you two that way. I know I don't always show it but I do love you both. We might not be the same blood but we are family."

"Will anything ever be the same again?" Ella whispered, tears coming to her eyes. "I miss when mother and you used to laugh and we'd all have fun."

"Come here, Ella," Rhett said, opening his arms. Without hesitation she launched herself into Rhett's arms and he gently held her as he had held Bonnie and Scarlett. He pondered what Ella had said. He couldn't remember the last time he and Scarlett had laughed. He focused his attention back to his step-daughter. She cried and he gently wiped her eyes. Looking over at Wade he said, "I have room for another hug son."

Wade went into Rhett's arms and the three held each other. It felt good to know that he was needed and that Wade and Ella didn't hate him. They still loved him, unlike Scarlett who had never comforted him a day in her life. He briefly remembered her hand reaching out to him in the yard yesterday. He shook his head, no not Scarlett. He must have imagined it.

"Will you and mother get a divorce?" Wade suddenly asked completely throwing Rhett off guard.

"Why would you say that son?" Rhett asked looking at Wade. Ella looked confused and a little fearful at the prospect.

Wade's eyes dropped. "I know you and mother aren't happy," he mumbled. "And one of my friend's parents divorced."

He had thought of divorcing Scarlett over the years. She loved Ashley and Bonnie was gone, the only thing that had kept them together. Now that she was gone he could so easily leave her. But he couldn't do that to Wade and Ella. To see their world shattered again by his departure. If he did divorce Scarlett it wouldn't be for awhile.

"No Wade, your mother and I aren't divorcing," he said. But the thought of being free from her once and for all was welcoming. He wondered if he loved her anymore. He would have gladly ran to her side when she was sick and it all his fault. But she never called for him. Now he felt aloof around her and like a stranger. He was numb.

Visible relief mirrored the children's eyes. He would have to deal with Scarlett and the funeral. God, how he wanted to run and never come back. A drink at Belle's would be welcomed but he had to talk to Scarlett and deal with Bonnie's funeral. Tears filled his eyes but he looked away lest the children see him struggle. Pasting a smile on his face he said, "How would you two like to go to Tara?"

A smile came to Ella's face and she nodded eagerly.

But Wade looked hesitant. "What about you and mother?"

He ruffled the boy's hair with an assuring smile on his face. "Your mother and I will be fine, Wade. You and Ella wouldn't want to be here and Tara would be so much better. It would just be for a week then you two could come home."

"Just a week?" the boy asked, wavering.

Rhett nodded. "One week then we'll send for you and Ella. Unless you wanted to stay longer."Giving the children one last lingering hug he rose to his feet. "I'll send Mammy in to help you both pack. I'll be back after I tell your mother."

Rhett left their room slowly, each step taking any energy he had left. He didn't dare look towards his room lest he see the undertaker. He easily found Mammy standing in the hall and told her the children would be leaving.

"Dats good Mistha Rhett, very good," she agreed.

He nodded. "I'm going to speak with Scarlett. Please make sure we aren't disturbed Mammy. Not by anyone."

Mammy solemnly nodded and was off waddling towards the children's room. Clenching his fists he slowly made his way to Scarlett's room. He didn't want to face her. He knew he would see the accusation in her eyes. But he knew he had to get it over with. Pausing, he raised his hand and knocked on the door.


	3. One Week

Part 3

She knew he was coming. Melanie had told her but she wasn't prepared for the sudden shaking of her hands and how clammy they felt. She had avoided him and the whole household for a day now. She needed time to think and have solitude. She had been so shaken when Rhett had pressed the gun to his chest and had acted insane. Her heart still raced at the thought and the memory of it. Mammy had tried to check on her and there were knocks but she had sent them all away.

And now Rhett was finally here! Would he throw harsh words at her or reprimand her for making sure he didn't shoot himself? Her mind frantically raced. Releasing deep breaths she patted her hair and smoothed her black dress.

"Come in."

The door opened and Rhett cautiously walked in, shutting the door behind him. She felt like a caged rabbit as his eyes met hers. They were no longer as puffy and blood shot but hooded from exhaustion. His face had the shadow of a beard from not shaving for a few days. His face was pale and gaunt, his tan gone. She had never seen him so disheveled and defeated looking.

"May I sit down?" he asked and she silently nodded.

He sat slowly like an old man, his big body not graceful and his steps uneven. A weary sigh came from his lips ad he rested his face against his hand. He still wore the same clothing from yesterday with a few top buttons undone and his sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

"The children are leaving to Tara this evening," he finally said.

Scarlett was surprised. Her eyes met his but he averted his gaze. Rhett had finally heeded to her wishes about the children. She was relived that the children would be gone and she knew Tara would do them good. She suddenly missed home very much.

"Thank you, Rhett," she said, a flicker of tired gratitude in her eyes.

She felt his eyes on her and she knew he was observing her keenly. Suddenly she felt very self conscious and squirmed.

"You haven't been eating or sleeping well," he observed.

She relaxed her tense body in relief. So he wasn't going to bring up yesterday in the yard. She was glad. "No. It's been too hard to sleep. All I can do is think..."

"Having more nightmares?" he inquired lightly. His eyes were on her again and Scarlett swallowed. She was surprised he remembered her nightmares. But of course he would for he had been the one that would awaken her and chase away her dreams.

"Yes," she reluctantly admitted.

"Bonnie had a nightmare last..." began Rhett but abruptly stopped. His fists clenched and jaws. He looked away from her with a ragged sigh and saw him fighting for composure. He masked the pain.

Suddenly Scarlett wanted to bawl and launch herself into his arms but she merely clenched her fingers into the palm of her hand and bit her lip. She couldn't meet his eyes either, they were on shaky ground and she didn't want to say anything that would upset him.

"Scarlett, I didn't want to just talk to you about the children," he admitted.

Her head raised.

"Oh?" She suddenly felt suffocated and dreaded whatever he might say. Could it be about yesterday or worst that he was leaving her? She forced an easy breath out and said, "Well what did you want to say to me?"

"I want to go to Charleston."

"But you hate Charleston!"

Rhett's brows rose at her outburst. "Oh, I once did but now I need some peace. I'd stay at Dunmore Landing and of course I'd come home eventually."

"Of course," she murmured numbly. She felt hurt that Rhett hadn't asked her to come a long. And he was leaving her when she needed him so!

"B-but you can't go!" she cried, the words escaping her mouth before she could stop them. Her eyes became downcast.

"Oh, and why is that?"

She raised her eyes and detected a faint glint of amusement in his eyes. It was the first time in days she had seen a look of amusement in his eyes besides that defeated look. What would she say without looking like a fool? She couldn't bear his mocking laughter now.

"Well... the children need you and there would be awful gossip that you... well that you left me."

"Even now all you can think about is gossip?" he asked a little roughly but lowered his voice.

"Scarlett, we need time a part, a time to think and mend our wounds if you will. We have been so cruel to each other and Atlanta is suffocating me. Every where I look there is memories...that I'd rather forget."

Forget? Hadn't she wanted to forget too? But Rhett didn't want to take her with him it seemed. She sighed, it was just as well. He never wanted her with him anyways. "When are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow after the funeral."

She frantically thought for a way to make him stay. She knew he wouldn't listen to her but she could try at least. She couldn't bear Rhett and the children gone also. She would go crazy.

"Rhett, will you do me a favor?" she asked.

He seemed weary and a little suspicious. "What is it?"

"Will you please stay with me until the children come home. I couldn't be alone..."

She saw him waver. Then, "Yes, Scarlett I'll stay here for a week."

"Thank you."

He rose to his feet and Scarlett felt a pang of disappointment. She didn't want him to leave. She thought of asking him to stay but shoved the desire away. After all he'd either make fun of her or refuse her. He made it clear he didn't want her. She meant no more to him then a common whore.

"Do you want to accompany me when I take the children to the depot?" he asked. "You wouldn't want Atlanta gossiping about a rift in our marriage."

"Of course not. I'll go to the depot with you and the children," she tiredly said. She didn't care about gossip anymore. But for the children she supposed, she'd go.

He gave a curt nod. "Until then."

She silently watched him as he took his leave. After the door was shut she leaned back against her headboard feeling all strength drain from her. She didn't want to face Atlanta. their pitying glances and condolences meant nothing to her. They didn't give a damn or understand how she felt.

Atlanta was shocked to see Scarlett, Rhett and the children. Mrs. Merriweather saw them from her parlor window entering their carriage and soon word got out that the Butler's were making an appearance after the tragedy. The old guards eyes were pinned on Rhett Butler. How skinny and tired he looked! And they blamed Scarlett, for she was heartless and couldn't be a comfort to him but a misery.

Scarlett was dressed in her customary black dress with a black hat. Oh, how she had hated black once but now she understood why black was worn. It was to mourn for the loss and matched how her heart and whole being felt-black. Without color or gaiety. She briefly remembered how Rhett used to beg her to get rid of her mourning and how he bought her the green bonnet urging her to wear it and forsake her mourning. Now he didn't say a word about her dress. He didn't seem to notice her at all.

He was stiff next to her and deep in thought. He held his head high and was dressed once again to perfection. His face was clean shaven again and by looking at him, one wouldn't know anything was wrong. But she did know for she could read it in his clenched jaw, his still gaunt face and the hardening of his muscles beneath her fingers as she held onto his arm.

The children were ready to board their train and everyone's eyes seemed to be on them. Rhett and Scarlett gave them hugs then they were off with small but brave waves as the train pulled out of Atlanta. Thank heavens they were leaving, Scarlett thought, away from this hell and disaster. It was for the better all though she all ready missed their presence for now she was alone with Rhett. And she was disturbed.

After the train had disappeared from sight Rhett sighed. "You ready to go home, my pet?"

Sparing a glance at him she saw his hooded eyes and grim smile. The weather was cold and freezing and outside suffocating. Rhett was right, Atlanta had too many memories. When she had returned from Tara after loosing the baby Rhett, Wade, Ella and Bonnie had come here to pick her up at the depot. She remembered Bonnie in her torn dress with feathers in her hair, her ringlets badly tangled and Rhett wearing turkey feathers. They had been playing Indians.

Tears filled her eyes. Bonnie would never walk to the depot again or any where for that matter. She saw Rhett's face briefly soften as her eyes met his and she nodded. she didn't dare speak for she would loose any control she had. But she felt suffocated and whispered, "Yes, Rhett please take me home."

She didn't need to tell him another word for he ushered her to their carriage and handed her in. He got in after her and then there was silence. He merely stared out the window deep in thought and she watched him. Wanting something from him she couldn't name or understand. Why wouldn't he talk to her? She had scoffed at his serious talk but now... now she gladly welcomed it compared to his maddening courtesy and silence.

Closing her eyes she drifted off to sleep during the short ride home. She didn't feel Rhett's arms pick her up nor feel him tuck her in on her bed. She was dead to the world as Rhett watched her for a moment and took his leave to the dining-room for a drink.

TBC


	4. Confusion

Part 4

Note: I decided to post another chapter so soon since this is a shorter chapter. And I want to post a few more chapters before I leave town next week and I'll be gone six days. Anyways please review and thank you to all of you that have and continue to do so! Enjoy.

Scarlett didn't know how long she had slept but she awoke in a dizzying confusion. She wondered where she was then she remembered she was in her room alone. She had been dreaming about New Orleans and Rhett. He had been holding her and telling her one of his amusing stories. Then awaking she had looked to her right and hadn't seen him beside her.

It was then she remembered Rhett and her didn't share a room and this wasn't her honey moon. Then she remembered Bonnie was dead and they had dropped the children off at the depot. She must have fallen asleep. The room was dark and only a thin patch of moonlight shun in. The clock to her left on the night stand read 4:30 and with a tired sigh she slid off of her bed and slipped out of her mourning dress and slipped her robe on over her corset.

Bonnie's funeral was at 10:00 and she knew she could have easily fallen back asleep. But she needed a drink badly and wondered where Rhett was. The thought crossed her mind that he was at Belle's. Oh, she thought, I won't think about that now, I'll think about it tomorrow. She would go crazy if she did with the tormenting thoughts of Rhett in the arms of that creature with red hair.

Opening her door it was very dark and she didn't hear a noise. She groped her way across the hall to Rhett's room. the door was ajar and peeking in there was a lantern still lit. But the bed was vacant and freshly made, untouched. The small bed next to Rhett's lay unmade where Bonnie had once lain. She hadn't expected the sight and closing her eyes she covered the unexpected sob that rose in her chest. the sob was quelled but the tears made it difficult to see as she quickly made her way down the stairs towards the dining-room.

Her mind flashed back to all those months before when Rhett had been drunk. She remembered how he had frightened her and carried her up the stairs savagely. And then all that had transpired afterwards. The bliss and rapture of that night. She shivered when she saw that the dining-room door was ajar and there was light from inside. She wondered if Rhett had wanted a drink also.

Walking to the door she pushed it open wider and cautiously looked in. The room was lit but she didn't see Rhett sitting at the table. But there was a decanter of brandy on the table. Reaching for it Scarlett was startled when she heard a deep breath. Her heart skipped a beat and she looked around the room. There in the corner lay Rhett on a settee. His body was twisted with his upper part on the settee and his legs dangling off the side. He was sleeping but his face was so pale and obscured by the shadows. It didn't look like he was breathing!

She quickly ran to him, the brandy forgotten. Please don't let him be dead! She felt like she couldn't breathe as she anxiously scanned his face as her hand reached out towards him. But before she could touch him, his large hand reached out and grabbed her wrist in a deafening grip. She cried out. There was a confused look in his eyes as he released her hand and she stumbled backwards.

"Scarlett?" he murmured, disbelief in his eyes.

Hearing her name spoken and knowing he wasn't dead opened a flood gate of tears. Bonnie's death, seeing her daughter's bed and the trauma of Rhett's near suicide came back to her and she sobbed. She heard him move and then his arms closed over her. Oh, how nice it was to be in his arms! She buried her face in his chest and clutched at his shirt frantically.

"What's wrong, honey," he soothed. "Did you have another nightmare?"

His voice was so tender that she began to cry all the more. She missed Rhett like this. When he would hold her and be so kind. She hated that defeated look in his eyes and that crazed look that had frightened her.

"N-no," she mumbled, "I came down here for a drink and I-I saw you an... and thought you were d-dead! You looked so pale and I thought you weren't breathing!" She looked up at him and their eyes locked. His were oddly tender and sympathetic.

She didn't know what possessed her but standing on her tip toes, Scarlett gently brought her lips to his. She wrapped her arms around his neck and lightly kissed him. She felt his body stiffen in slight resistance before his arms moved to her waist and his lips gently moved over hers. The kiss was slow as if both were testing the waters and didn't want to make the next step. Suddenly he pulled away.

Opening her eyes she looked at him confusedly.

"R-Rhett?"

"You better get some sleep," he said, shoving his hands in his pockets.

She tried not to feel hurt but she did. He didn't want her. What a fool she had been! But she had felt his lips against hers and she knew he did. Then why was he holding back? Her lips still tingled as she nodded and turned towards the door.

"Good night," she murmured, not bearing to look at him.

She heard him mumble good night and heard him heavily sit on the settee. She grabbed the much needed brandy decanter and quietly walked up the stairs. She needed a drink to sleep now. Why had she kissed Rhett and why had he pulled away? She never could read him, even now. She hardly knew him.

Once she had made it to her room she heavily sat on her bed and downed a few glasses of brandy. But despite herself her mind kept wandering to what had just transpired downstairs. She couldn't think about it now... she'd think about it tomorrow.

TBC


	5. Bonnie

Part 5

Note: Thanks once again for all the support and reviews. This chapter is longer thean the last one and I hope you all enjoy it. I'll post one more chapter before leaving town on Wednesday. Once again reviews are appreciated! Enjoy.

It was 8:30 when Rhett entered Scarlett's room with a breakfast tray. He was all ready dressed and cleaned up. He found her sound asleep with her face burrowed in the pillow. By the look of it with the brandy decanter on her night stand she had a drink too many.

Setting the tray down Rhett sat on the side of her bed and watched her for a moment. It wasn't often he was able to observe her unnoticed. She'd feel his eyes on her and look up at him with hat hard glint in her eyes or in annoyance. She looked so innocent in her sleep and peaceful without her jaw clenched and eyes narrowed.

She looked so much like Bonnie that his heart ached. Today was the day he dreaded in which Bonnie would be buried. He hadn't been able to sleep in his bed with her small bed next to his. He had thought of removing it but it caused him even more pain. He couldn't take everything away that was hers because she'd be even more dead to him.

So he had decided to have his nightcap in the dining-room and sleep on the settee. And Scarlett had been there almost like a dream. He wasn't sure why she had kissed him. He had seen the confusion in her green eyes almost as if she hadn't wanted him to end the kiss. He had even seen the hurt look in her eyes but he couldn't be pulled into her trap again. The only explanation was that she was vulnerable and lonely.

But she had seemed terrified that he was really dead. Her face had been pale and tears streaming down her face. He had wanted to stay away and not hold her, for that was when she was the most tempting and dangerous. But her face had been without any ulterior motive. She had let her guard down for the first time in months and so had he, for a moment...

Looking at her again, he saw her burrow her face deeper in her pillow with a sigh and turn, her back facing him. her hair was fanned across her pillow and fell into her face, she pushed it away and mumbled something. A smile twitched at the corner of his mouth. He knew that she would hate him waking her.

"Scarlett," he called out. She didn't move.

Leaning over he grabbed her shoulders and gently shook her. "Scarlett, wake up."

Her brows furrowed and she tried to pull away from him. "No, Rhett go away..." she mumbled and tried to pull a blanket over her face.

Standing up he pulled back the drapes from her window and brilliant sunlight streamed in. Walking back to her side he yanked the blanket off of her and grabbed her feet with his cold hands. That woke her up. She sat up with an evil glare, her eyes flashing. "Great balls of fire did you have to wake me up like that?"

"You wouldn't wake up," he simply explained, sitting on the edge of the bed.

She groaned and placed her hand at her temple. "Oh, I'm never drinking that much again."

Rhett grabbed her tray and set it on her lap. "You'll feel better," he assured her. Sitting back down at the edge of the bed he watched her in amusement. She waved her hand but looking at the food seemed to change her mind for she dug into it and placed a forkful of eggs in her mouth. She ate as if she were half starved and Rhett realized this was probably the first day she had eaten since the accident.

"Slow down," he told her, "You don't want it to come back up again, Scarlett."

"But it's so good," she mumbled with her mouth full. She finished the rest of her meal in silence and looking at the clock it read 9:00. Standing up, Rhett walked into Scarlett's closet and easily found her a black dress. Throwing it on her bed he sat down again and lit a cigar, enhaling deeply.

"You need to get dressed we're leaving by 9:30."

She frowned. "For what? Oh..." she trailed off with a deep sigh and looked away. Rising to her feet unsteadily her face flamed. "You need to get Mammy."

"Oh I'll do it," he replied with a wave of his hand.

Scarlett's face flamed and Rhett put out his cigar. "But," she began in protest.

"I've seen you naked Scarlett," he said. "Indeed I have been the one to undress you and-"

"Oh stop it!" she cried. "Very well but do hurry up!"

"I've never heard anyone tell me that before," he said and was rewarded with a glare. He didn't know why he wanted to bait her of all days. But he enjoyed that fire in her eyes. Rising to his feet he found her corset discarded on the floor as she began undoing her the buttons on her nightgown. He saw her wince.

"What's wrong, Scarlett?"

"It's nothing," she lied unconvincingly.

But Rhett knew it was something for she bit her lip in pain. He easily went in front of her and grabbed her shoulders lightly to inspect her. She breathed deeply with a gasp of pain. That's when he saw the harsh bruises on her shoulders. He winced.

"I did that didn't I?"

It was all hazy but he remembered being rough with her. He could read the answer in her eyes. But she averted her gaze."Y-yes but I am all right."

She didn't want to speak about the subject anymore and they didn't have the time to discuss it but they would later. Rhett was tired of always sidestepping the issues and the things needed to be said.

She slipped her robe completely off of her and Rhett stood transfixed. She was as beautiful as he remembered her to be. That night he had carried her up the stairs all that months ago he had explored her body but he hadn't been able to see her in complete light. Now she stood in front of him, her skin smooth and head bowed.

"Well you are going to dress me?" she muttered.

He dragged his gaze off of her as he handed her corset and she slipped it on. He easily tightened it and when she murmured, "That's good," did he step away. Grabbing her gown he slipped it on over her head as she lifted her arms gingerly and buttoned it to the very top botton.

Sitting on her vanity she unpinned her hair and began to brush it in quick strokes. Rhett watched her, remembering a time when he had brushed her hair during the early days of their marriage. Well, he thought, that was a different time. He pushed his thoughts away as there was a knock on the door.

"Miss Scarlett, de carriage is ready," called Pork through the door.

Scarlett rose to her feet and Rhett offered her his arm. "You ready my dear to face the old cats?" he grimly asked.

Her eyes met his and he looked away. Looking forward they left her room. He didn't know how he was going to get through today, he couldn't bear his Bonnie being lowered in the grave, never to be seen again... His body tensed.

The Butler carriage drove up to Atlanta's Oakland Cemetery only a short time later. There was all ready a crowd of mourners and people of Atlanta. The old guard was standing around, many of the just to make appearances.

The fools, all of them, thought Scarlett bitterly as she alighted the carriage with Rhett's help. They were staring at her pityingly. They don't understand, she thought, how it feels. I've lost so many people and they don't understand! She wished she could wipe those looks off of their faces. Her arm was in Rhett's and she could feel his tense muscles.

Then she saw Melanie. Oh, how good it was to see her! Her face was so full of tenderness and love as she went to Scarlett. Scarlett pulled her arm from Rhett's and threw her arms around Melanie and whispered, "I can't stand it!"

"Of course you can!" Melanie whispered back.

Looking up at Melanie's face it hit Scarlett. Why, I love her. I used to hate her and couldn't stand the sight of her, but I do love her! She thought of all the things Melanie had ever done for her and had only seen the good in her. Her cheeks heated and she felt ashamed. She stared at Melanie in amazement.

"I love you, Melly," she whispered, the words sounding foreign to her lips.

"I know darling and I love you too."

She felt as if her mother was holding her and not Melanie. And looking over Melanie's small shoulder she saw Ashley with Beau in his arms. Not the usual excitement filled her only the relief of seeing a familiar face that had known Bonnie. He wasn't there out of pity but because he understood and knew.

"Ashley."

He smiled. "Scarlett dear, I'm so sorry," And he gave her a kiss on the cheek.

Pulling away, Scarlett wondered why she didn't feel excitement at his kiss. She stared into his eyes but he was looking at Melanie. And Melanie was talking with Rhett. Where his face had been hard was now filled with a kindly expression. Why couldn't he look at her like that instead of with amusement and annoyance? She suddenly felt ashamed that she was thinking about this during her daughter's funeral.

Everyone took their places as the preacher began to speak a familiar scripture that she had heard at Pa's funeral. It had been there hadn't it? Or had it been another funeral? Rhett was tense beside her as the preacher's voice rang on. She cast a side long glance with him and his face was hard and jaw clenched.

Melanie, Ashley and Beau were beside them. Melanie had tears in her eyes but Scarlett felt like she couldn't cry again. She wanted to desperately but the tears wouldn't come. Rhett's face was as cold as stone and unyielding, even when she saw his eyes go to the casket where their daughter lay. How tiny the casket was admist flowers. Bonnie would have loved those flowers...

Her mind was numb as she scanned the crowd and saw Mrs. Merriweather, Mr. Meade, Mrs. Meade and the Elsings. India and Pittypat were there. Pittypat looked like she was about to faint and she was sobbing so that Melanie went to her side. They put smelling salts in her face and Scarlett looked away.

She knew Mammy and the other darkies stood in the back. She wanted to run to Mammy and throw herself at her. To lay her head on her bosom and have her comfort her as she had years ago. She tightened her hold on Rhett's arm as the preacher asked if there was a friend or family member who wanted to speak.

After a moment of strained silence Melanie said, "I will!" Her small form made it up to the front. She looked so very tired and her face strained. But she smiled and clasped her hands, looking over to the casket.

"Bonnie was a little angel," Melanie said her voice clear. there were tears in her eyes as she continued, "I don't have a daughter of my own and Bonnie filled that with her beautiful laughter and sweet eyes. I remember her saying one day, "Auntie I'm gonna be as beautiful as my mommy one day, you just wait and see!" She was so determined! And I laughed and told her that she was. Indeed she was the most beautiful little angel."

Melanie's voice continued with a few more memories but broke as she made her way through the parted crowd to Ashley's side. For a moment Scarlett couldn't breathe as everyone's eyes came to rest on her. They expect me to speak, she dully thought, oh I don't want to! How could she for she had very little memories of Bonnie and her? She looked at Rhett beside her. His face was tense and it didn't look like he would speak.

They would forgive him for not speaking but her they wouldn't. Raising her chin she released his arm and quickly made her way up to the front.. Her eyes met Rhett's and somehow she gathered the courage to speak as she frantically searched her mind.

"From the time Bonnie was born she was a brave little girl. She loved riding because that's when she was truly happy. Her dress would be ruined or torn up but she didn't mind..." Scarlett swallowed as her eyes met Rhett's and she saw the anger lurking in their depths. "She was so much like her grandfather, Gerald O'Hara with his fearlessness. She was so brave as she would take jumps that would scare most children her age. I was always so proud of her," she finished quickly and not bearing to look any one in the eyes she quickly made her way besides Rhett.

A few more people spoke: Mrs. Merriweather, even little Beau and Dr. Meade. each story was antagonizing. For each story hit her that she hadn't those memories. They spoke of Rhett's devotion to Bonnie and seeing her at his side constantly. Through each story she forced herself to listen. She spared a glance at Rhett once and his face was the same as it had been. No emotion or sadness, only the look of a man that resisted going through something that took his soul and hurt him. There was no longer any anger in the dark depths.

Then it was time to lower her casket that Rhett stiffly left her side and walked forward. She watched the tenseness of his big body and the way he moved, slowly as if he dreaded each step. He briefly touched the casket with his fingers and she saw him linger there. He hung his head, but his back was facing everyone so they couldn't see his face. Rhett raised his body to his full height as he nodded, said something to the preacher and the casket was lowered.

Stooping low, he picked up a handful of soil and rose to his feet. Scarlett suddenly remembered something long ago... said by someone. Once you hear the sound of dirt hitting a coffin, then they are really gone to you. She shut her eyes, and turned away. She didn't want Bonnie gone from her.

People walked past her and then she felt Melanie holding her. Finally she heard Rhett's voice nest to her, "Are you ready?"

It was the first time he had spoken to her during the whole funeral. She nodded, she couldn't bear to look back at the gaping hole with Bonnie lying in there. Melanie released her.

"Darling, I'll come and see you soon," Melanie promised.

"Thank you, Melly," she automatically answered. Then her and Rhett were making their way towards the carriage. Rhett's stance was uninviting as they walked. he didn't offer her his arm but was deep in thought.

Opening the carriage door, Rhett handed her in and she made room for him but he hung back.

"Aren't you coming home?" she asked, hoping her voice didn't sound desperate.

"No," he gruffly answered, looking away. "I'm going out for a drink."

"Oh, but..."

"Yes?" he questioned almost impatiently.

"Nothing... when will you be home?"

He shrugged, his voice oddly emotionless. "Later. Good bye Scarlett."

Before she could reply he shut the door, leaving her utterly alone. She heard him tap on the door and then the carriage rocked forward and began to move. through her window she saw Rhett all ready walking away. His broad shoulders disappearing through the crowd.

TBC


	6. Tonight

Part 6

Scarlett couldn't sleep. As soon as she had entered the house she sat in her room, the house oddly still. She had drank a few glasses of brandy but she had finally set the bottle away in disgust. She wanted to forget but she was no better then those women who drank like a fish. She knew she was drinking too much.

She had fallen into a restless sleep and had a nightmare that Rhett had died with Bonnie. She had seen them lowered in the ground side by side. Then the mist had over taken her. She had awoken with a cry. By the time the clock read 3:00 am, Scarlett was frantic. She should be furious that Rhett had run to that Watling after Bonnie's fueral! But the only feeling she could conjure up was fear. What if he had broke his neck? For it was once again raining heavily outside and she had even heard lightning strike in the distance. She counted the hours as she sat in the darkness of her room.

Her ears strained for the sound of the latch of the door. She had waited up for Rhett as of late and when she knew he was home she would fall to sleep. Sighing, she got up and began to pace. Maybe Rhett had returned home and she hadn't heard. She would go take another peek in his room.

She once again made her way to his room across the hall. Looking in she didn't see him, only Bonnie's small bed. She numbly stared at it and a sense of strong loss over took her. Her Bonnie was truly dead and buried now. So this was what it felt like to loose a child. Loosing the baby had hurt but not the crushing feeling like this. She had held Bonnie, kissed her and watched her ride fearlessly, her dark hair tumbling. This was what it felt like to loose a child she had loved, as Ellen had lost her three sons.

Rhett had adored Bonnie to distraction. And she felt his loss too almost as if it were hers. How he had loved Bonnie! She couldn't comprehend how he had loved that little girl when he hated her. But he had. And she didn't know how he had controlled himself so at the funeral, when a few days before he had been a mad man and crying. But at the funeral his face was oddly blank.

"What are you doing?"

Scarlett jumped at the sound of Rhett's voice. It was cold and shaky but she could have wept with relief. He was home! He was soaked to the skin and his hair slightly disheveled but she sighed with releif. He wasn't drunk for he looked controlled and his body didn't sway but he was ever alert and eyes roaming over her in question.

"I was looking for you. I-I was worried something had happen to you," she added breathlessly.

"Really?" he mockingly asked. "You haven't worried about me before. Why this sudden change of heart?"

Her eyes met his and she saw them searching, an odd flame in them.

"I just was." She shrugged.

The flame disappeared and he sighed, raking a hand through his wet hair. "Well if you'll excuse me I'm going to change and then I'm going downstairs."

His voice was polite and indifferent. He looked into the room and she saw his eyes become downcast. Her eyes met his and she saw a brief flicker of pain. He had seen the bed. She knew he was avoiding the room.

"Downstairs?" she asked, frowning.

"I can't sleep in there... where Bonnie," he abruptly stopped. His voice broke and he swallowed. "God," he hoarsely whispered. "When I think of her..." He trailed off and turned away from her. "Just go to bed, Scarlett," he tiredly said. "I won't intrude on your time any longer. Your sanctuary awaits you." His lips had a bitter twist on them as he went into his room and opened his dresser dware, pulling out a few items of clothing.

Scarlett watched him then looked towards her room longingly. She could so easily run in there and go to sleep. But there was something in Rhett's voice she couldn't ignore. Like a moth drawn to a flame she wordlessly trailed after him and stood there in the middle of the room. His shirt was off and she watched with widened eyes as he turned to face her, his strong, muscular chest she hadn't seen in a long time chest with the dark hair and familair scar on his abdomen. The chest she had so many times laid her head on. He looked so very strong yet vulnerable as his eyes searched hers.

"What are you playing at Scarlett?"

"N-nothing." She was speechless but met Rhett's eyes. There was a flash of something in his eyes then his eyes were masked once again. Had she imagined it? But no she couldn't have for last night came back to her when he had returned her kiss.

"I want you to stay with me tonight," she blurted out. There she had said it. She realized she really wanted Rhett with her. She was tired of being alone. She didn't know why she wanted him so desperately but she did.

"Oh?" his brow quirked and his eyes were a little weary. "And why is that my pet?"

"Well, you see, Rhett. I do get awfully lonely and I don't want you sleeping downstairs since it is uncomfortable-"

"Give me the real reason," he demanded.

Oh damn him! He was always able to see past her excuses. She could never trick him. She squirmed under his gaze and sighed. "Very well," she snapped, "I miss you!" Her jaw dropped open at her own admission. And she realized it was true. He looked as equally surprised as she felt. Oh, she'd die if he laughed at her. She had to get out of this room!

"Never mind, Rhett. Forget I said anything, I'm going to bed." She turned towards the door quickly but he easily stood in front of her.

"No you don't, Scarlett. We're going to have a heart to heart if you will. Why did you kiss me last night? And don't blame the brandy."

She sensed her answer was important. But she didn't know why she had kissed him. And he was demanding an answer when she didn't understand it herself!

"I don't know," she muttered. "Oh just leave me alone! I'm tired and going to bed."

"No," was all he said.

"I'm tired," she snapped. "why are you acting like such a child? I swear sometimes you act like Bon-" She froze as a look of horror came on her face.

She suddenly felt his hands on her arms in a tight grip, it didn't hurt but he wasn't releasing her. "Scarlett, look at me," he demanded. Her eyes met his and saw deep anger in them and pain. "Don't say her name," he roughly said, "like that. Dammit she was a beautiful angel and I won't have you insulting her when she is cold in the grave." He gave her a little shake, "You hear me!"

She nodded as he released her.

"Just leave," he said. "Leave me some peace, Scarlett."

She watched him turn away from her and retrieve his clothing. She should return to her bed. But she couldn't, anymore then she could hate Rhett. She realized despite all the hurtful things she had said to him, she didn't hate him. Ellen would have been sweet and comforting,. Here she was the opposite just making Rhett more angry and hurt.

"Rhett, I still want you with me tonight," she said, too tired and beyond caring that she was begging. She felt his eyes on her but her head was bowed, she was so tired of fighting and being strong.

"Why is that?" he bitingly asked, hurt ringing in his voice. "So you can turn me away again, no thank you. You've made a fool out of me, Scarlett, you won't do it again."

She had no idea what he was talking about. She sighed. When she didn't want him, he came to her and when she did want him he was unyielding. Either way he was infuriating. Did he want her to get on her hands and knees and beg? She wouldn't!

"I'm not trying to fool you Rhett. Is it a crime for a wife to want to share a bed with her husband for the night?"

"Last time I checked it was," he muttered. "Dammit, Scarlett, when I'm around you I can't control myself. If I come into your room tonight... You do know what you're asking don't you? I'm not Ashley Wilkes who won't have pleasure with his wife."

He had bit out that he wasn't Ashley Wilkes. Ashley? He came to her mind but somehow she didn't want him. It was so strange for she had always wanted him but she wanted Rhett. She didn't care about Ashley at that moment. Her heart pounded in excitement when she saw Rhett's eyes unmasked with longing.

"I do understand, Rhett," she said, her face flaming.

He was in front of her then, his eyes searching. He seemed to hold himself back for a moment before he lowered his mouth to hers. Without hesitation, Scarlett wrapped her arms around his waist and felt the heat of his skin against her. He was so strong and the feel of his bare back was dizzying. Her fingers roamed along his back and she heard his breath catch.

His mouth continued to kiss her and then moved to her cheek then the back of her neck. He pulled her hair up and sent kisses on her neck that made her shiver. She clutched him more tightly to her, closing her eyes with a sigh of delight. Suddenly he pulled away and he was watching her in silent invitation and uncertainty.

Scarlett slowly smiled and in a rare moment she took his hand in hers and wordlessly led him out of the room. She didn't look back for the memories were too painful. She just wanted to forget and feel Rhett's strong body and the passion he could evoke in her.

"Make me forget," she whispered and Rhett's mouth claimed hers once again. Their arms were around each other as they stumbled into her room and Rhett kicked the door shut behind them. It was only a short time before Rhett's body was over hers and she forgot everything but him. His dark eyes and the way he made her feel. She gave up any sense of restraint or reason as she kissed him back.

TBC


	7. The Morning Comes

Note: Wow... you guys and gals are amazing. 8 reviews for one chapter! You all are really spoiling me, not that I'm complaining. Those reviews mean a lot to me and really encourage me to continue. Well I hope you all enjoy and reviews are welcomed.

Part 7

Scarlett woke up groggily as sun light streamed in through the window on her face. Last night came back to her in a flash and looking to her side she didn't expect to see Rhett beside her, but he was. She smiled and sat back with a sigh. So it hadn't been a dream...

Rhett lay on his side facing her, his face resting on his arm and the sheet covering his waist and below. She blushed as her eyes roamed over him. She knew she wouldn't have the nerve to do so if he were awake. But what a fine specimen of a man he was! She had thought him handsome before but she realized he was the best looking man she had ever seen. Even in the early days of their marriage Rhett awoke long before her and she would awaken alone so she didn't observe him that often.

His brow wasn't creased and he looked almost peaceful. She wondered when he would wake up and a feeling of uncertainty overtook her. What if he regretted it or worse ran to Belle's? Well she wouldn't let him.

Last night had been... oh she couldn't pick words to describe it! It hadn't been with the same rough passion of the night of Ashley's party or the careful restraint of the early days of their marriage. No, it had been slow yet urgent at the end as if they both had been only fighting to grab the pleasure for themselves.. To forget... There hadn't been restraint on their parts except for in the beginning when Rhett had stared at her, raising his head, his eyes boring into hers.

"Do you want me to stop?" he had asked. She could have, but she shook her head, blushing as he had continued his exploration up and down her entire body. His kisses had left her body burning and she had forgotten everything that she had once refused his touches and had barely tolerated them. She had wanted them desperately had acted like a complete wanton. But somehow she didn't care.

Suddenly she felt eyes on her and looking up from her thoughts she saw Rhett staring at her with a strange expression on his face. He must think he's dreaming, she thought. She gave him a quick smile but blushed once she realized she was still naked. She pulled the sheet tightly up to her throat and her face flamed.

"So I'm not dreaming," he said.

She shook her head. "No." Suddenly she felt very shy but forced herself to not look away from his gaze.

"God, I'm starving," he announced. His stomach rumbled and he gave her a helpless look that made her smile. "I feel like I haven't eaten in a week."

Scarlett realized he probably hadn't. Why the first time she had ate had been yesterday morning when Rhett had brought her the eggs. She suddenly felt very hungry also. She looked over the bed, scanning the floor.

"Oh, where's my robe?" she said, worriedly.

"Running off so soon?" he asked, a slight amusement in his voice.

"I'm going to send for some breakfast for us," she told him airily. Still scanning the floor she only saw Rhett's discarded clothing and her robe was no where to be seen. She blushed at the thought of having to run to the closet with nothing on!

"Is this it?" he asked leaning over the side of the bed and pulling her green robe up from the ground. It was badly wrinkled. "I must have thrown it over here last night or maybe that was you."

She blushed. Did he have to keep bringing up last night? Didn't he have any decency? But his eyes were twinkling and she couldn't glare at him and ruin their fragile truce. She would just ignore his remarks. besides his teasing was better then his coldness or barbs. She snatched it from him quickly and slipped it on, trying to hide her body from his gaze. Her eyes met his and he smiled in that egimatic way.

Scarlett left her room and sighed with relief once she closed her door and leaned against it, her heart pounding. She felt shaky and strange. It must have been from lack of sleep and food for she knew she must look awful. Even Rhett still looked a little gaunt but there was a smile on his lips and she felt a sense of happiness that she hadn't felt in a while. Rhett and her had a semi-closeness now as they had possessed years ago. And she had been part of the reason he was smiling again.

No sooner had Scarlett made her way down the hall, looking for Mammy she saw the old woman walking around. "Mammy," she said with a smile.

"Mah lamb ya sure are lookin better. I was so worried after Miss Bonnie's... well I's jus' glad to see ya with a smile on your face."

The mention of Bonnie's name momentarily put a pang in her heart. How easy it was to imagine her daughter was off at Melly's or playing in the yard. She shoved those thoughts from her mind. She would think about everything tomorrow.

"I am better Mammy," she agreed. "I feel like I'm finally waking up after this nightmare and maybe... just maybe there is hope."

"Of course there is honey," Mammy agreed, a small smile on her face. "Jus' ya see. You and Mistah Rhett will be happy."

Scarlett didn't say anything as Mammy spoke about something else. Her and Rhett happy? She didn't know if they could ever be completely happy. Of course there were times that they were but more often he was cruel and sarcastic and she couldn't stand being around him. Yet, last night was different. It's almost as if she craved being around him. Suddenly, she felt like she had a pounding headache. Rubbing her temples, she sighed.

"Whut's wrong with my lamb?" Mammy demanded briskly.

"Nothing Mammy," Scarlett said. "I'm going back to my room. Please have the cook send two plates of breakfast to my room. Rhett and I will be eating together."

Mammy beamed and walked off with a satisfied smile. "Praise be to Lord," Scarlett heard Mammy mutter in thanks. Scarlett sighed, annoyed that Mammy thought her and Rhett were somehow in love or giving their marriage another chance. Truthfully shet didn't know if they were giving their marriage another chance. For Rhett was leaving in less then a week.

Ashley's face flashed before her mind and she froze. How could she have forgotten Ashley? She didn't regret last night, yet she felt a sense of loss. She was further away from Ashley then ever. And the strange thing was she only thought of that without a fear but detachment. Well, she would visit Ashley tomorrow.

With that thought she opened the door and saw Rhett still in bed. He was sitting up, resting against the backboard, his shirt still off and enjoying a cigar. She looked away from his chest and sat at her vanity, brushing her hair. She could see his reflection in the mirror.

"Scarlett," he finally said, "we need to talk."

"Oh, not now Rhett," she sighed. She had enough on her mind. "Can't it wait until tomorrow?"

"Everything is tomorrow with you," he said with a sigh. "No, Scarlett we need to speak about last night. Was this a one time thing or do I dare hope that I will have a true marriage with my wife finally?"

She didn't know if he was mocking her or not. She had lost count of her brush stroke and set down her brush irritably. She didn't know why she was very irritated all of a sudden but she was. Where was breakfast anyways, it should have been here by now?

"You know that I don't love you, Rhett," she simply said.

If she would have been looking at him she would have seen him flinch visibly But she was looking at her clasped hands as if they were the most fascinating thing. Oh, she couldn't face him. She was tired of talking and talking. The endlessness of talking. She just wanted to be left alone, and the memory of the pleasure of last night dimmed in her mind.

"That didn't stop you last night. Did you ever stop and think why you loved Bonnie so much?" he tightly asked.

She didn't want to talk about Bonnie! Clenching her hands together, her eyes met his in the mirror. He was watching her, his eyes burning with some emotion she couldn't name. "Well I guess because she was such a beautiful child," she murmured.

He swiftly rose to his feet and Scarlett caught a flash of him completely naked as he grabbed his pants and placed them on in jerky movements. He stared over at her, seeing he had her complete attention.

"What a child you are, Scarlett. You know you didn't love Bonnie just because she was beautiful anymore then you love Ashley because he is honorable. If I didn't know any better after last night I'd say you didn't love, Ashley either."

Her mind was spinning. Oh, she didn't want to fight.

"Oh, Rhett I don't want to fight," she said. "Won't you just sit down so we can have a nice breakfast?"

"No. I've suddenly lost my appetite." He walked for the door in measured strides. But when she expected a slam, he quietly shut it behind him.

TBC


	8. The Offer

Note: Sorry to dash all your hopes about Scarlett and Rhett. Don't worry things might get better (hint) haha. But thank you for all the reviews and I want to apologize in advance for how this chapter goes. I don't think many of you will be too happy but there's always tomorrow... And I promise the next chapter gets better so bear with me. Reviews are welcomed as always and I hope you enjoy!

Part 8

It was a flustered and tired Scarlett that Dr. Meade called upon that afternoon. Wearing her mourning gown and her hair pinned back in a simple coiffure she came down to the parlor to see Dr. Meade. She hoped he wasn't here to pay his sympathy for she would scream.

"Have a seat Dr. Meade," Scarlett said, too tired to offer her courteous greetings or smile. He sat down heavily as if he had an awful day. His face looked pained briefly and Scarlett felt bitter. He knows nothing of pain, she thought.

"Well what did you want to see me about?" she demanded, never one to beat around the bush. She just wanted him to say what he had to and leave.

"Where is Captain Butler?" he asked instead, looking around the parlor as if Rhett would magically appear.

"He's not here," she crisply said.

She didn't know if Rhett were here. He could be in his room, for all she knew which she doubted, or at that Belle's. She felt a bitter taste in her mouth and gave a pointed look at Dr. Meade.

"You're not looking well, Scarlett," he observed with his keen doctor's eye. He gave her a pitying look and Scarlett cringed. She could take anything but pity!

"Yes. But I don't believe that's what you came to see me about."

"No, Scarlett. I came to tell you that Captain Butler looks horrible. He looks like a dead man and that little girl's death has taken something from him that could very well kill him. I suggest you give him a child as quickly as possible."

Scarlett wanted to laugh. How gladly she would have had a dozen children now if it would feel the void left by her death. Rhett wasn't the same and either was she. Her mind wandered to last night and she paled. She could very well be pregnant. But, no not again. For they had only been intimate once... and oh! She blushed and averted her eyes from Dr. Meade.

"I'm sorry to shock you, Scarlett but you do know what I mean," he said briskly.

She nodded. "Yes, Dr. Meade and thank you for your concern."

He looked relieved as she showed him out. He told her to get plenty of rest and eat but she wasn't listening. She wondered if she were pregnant for she had become pregnant only after one night with Rhett, the night of Ashley's party.

Then she began to think, her mind to formulate ideas. If she invited Rhett back to her room permanently it would both do them good. For Rhett wouldn't have to sleep downstairs and he would be pleased. Then she wouldn't have to be alone. It would be nice to have someone to hold and chase away her dreams. And of course they could have another child, not one like Bonnie but a child that would love her and fill the void that Bonnie had left. Rhett would be all too happy for he had loved Bonnie. Why, she thought with a smile and glint in her eyes, it would solve all their problems.

She didn't think Rhett would refuse. And if he did, well she wouldn't think about that now. Surely he would be happy and then he wouldn't leave. Ashley came to her mind and she sighed. Well just because she shared a room with Rhett didn't mean she didn't love Ashley any less. But if this would save her sanity and Rhett's so be it. Any ways, she thought stubbornly, why shouldn't I be able to enjoy my nights with Rhett?

Mammy appeared as always with a suspicious look, her hands at her wide hips. "Whut did de doctor say Miss Scarlett?"

Scarlett shrugged absentmindedly. "I don't care to talk about it, just his prattling on about me taking care of myself. Where is Mistha Rhett? Did he leave?" She had a feeling he was at Belle's and felt bitterness take hold of her. She shouldn't care where he went but she did. Mammy was watching her with a keen look.

"Why do ye want Mistah Rhett?"

"That's my business isn't it?" Scarlett coolly asked with raised brows. She was in no mood for Mammy's suspicions.

"It is but it ain't when you be hurtin' Mistah Rhett honey. He hurtin' somethin' fierce. Ye need to be kind to him."

"He's not the only one hurting! Great balls of fire, I lost Bonnie too didn't I? He should be kind to me instead-instead of running off to that Belle's!"

"Ye stubborn! Mistha Rhett ain't at dat red head woman's place." Mammy shook her head. "Ye both need to quit hurtin' each other, the way ye two go on is jus' plain awful."

All Scarlett heard was that he wasn't at Belle's. She pinned Mammy with a cool look and asked, "Well where is he?"

"He's outside in de back," the old woman reluctantly said.

The back? Why it was freezing outside, it had stopped raining but surely he wasn't fool enough to sit outside and catch his death. Scarlett walked past Mammy deep in thought and went to the twin doors. Pulling back the drapes slightly, she saw Rhett sitting on a chair out on the verandah, his back facing her and staring at something unseen.

Opening the door, she slipped out quietly and shut it behind her with a soft click. She approached Rhett uncertainly. He didn't turn his head in her direction as he quietly said, "Sit down."

His voice wasn't mocking but low and without emotion. She sat down on the chair next to him. "What are you doing out here in the cold, Rhett?" She was unnerved by his serious expression as he looked at the yard, staring at something she couldn't see.

"The jump," he said gravely. "I'm replaying the events in my mind and wondering why it wasn't burned."

She swallowed for Rhett looked as if he were torturing himself to remember that awful day. She could still hear the sounds in her mind. Oh, she didn't want to talk about it. She wanted to talk with him about moving his things back to her room!

"Oh, Rhett," she sighed tiredly. "I don't want to talk about that day what I want to talk about is-"

"Bonnie was so brave that day," he continued, ignoring her as if she hadn't spoken. "And when she left she took everything. A part of me that can't ever be brought back. I've never understood true love. What they call agape love until she was born."

Scarlett had no idea what he meant. Agape? Oh, well she wouldn't question him. His eyes had a far away look, why almost like Ashley's! She shook that thought away and leaned towards Rhett, ready to tell him she wanted to share rooms once again.

"Oh, Rhett, let's not talk about Bonnie-"

His face hardened and he swiftly pinned her a heated look. "Not talk about Bonnie? Are you that heartless Scarlett that you want to erase her memory? Well, I don't dammit! She was the best part of my life and I won't quit talking about her."

"Fine. What I wanted to speak with you about is..." she trailed off and her eyes became downcast. She hoped he wouldn't laugh at her, she'd just die if he did. "Well, that is, I want you to move back into my room."

He was quiet as she suspected. But there was no look of mocking or even pleasure in his face. His eyes searched hers. "And why should I accept your offer when you refused mine this morning?"

"You mean," Scarlett incredulously asked, "You're refusing me when I-oh!"

"I'm not trying to be cruel, Scarlett, I'm simply saying this morning I had a desire to try to save our marriage. But you weren't willing to meet me halfway. I've thought a lot and there is nothing left for us. When we had Bonnie there was something. Can you honestly tell me we have something left?"

"Well I..." she clamped her mouth shut. This wasn't turning out as she suspected. "Never mind about that it's better for everyone's sakes if you.. well we..."

He shook his head. "You're such a child, Scarlett. No, I'm not mocking you again, I'm just saying that I'm tired of living in this so called marriage."

Scarlett felt fear clutch her. "You... you want a divorce?"

"I wouldn't break Ella and Wade's heart. It would be a messy business and I have no desire to go through that now. I'm just saying Scarlett I won't share your bed when you have another man there."

Outraged words flew to her lips and he merely threw up his hands in frustration.

"I don't know why I even try," he muttered. "We have been married five years and still we can't have a civil conversation without you trying to attack me. Come now sheath your claws and let's speak like adults."

"You can go to Halifax!" she simply yelled and jumped to her feet, her bosom rising and falling rapidly in outrage. "How dare you turn it all around on me. You're the one that's mocking and don't have any decency. How dare you presume to say that I had Ashley in our bed!"

Rhett sighed. "I'm weary of your excuses and petty defenses. I know he's never been there physically but don't you think I know that when I held you in my arms you imagined it was the honorable Ashley Wilkes? Surely you don't expect me to share a bed with him? It's almost as if he were a ghost that graced our marriage bed. But no longer Scarlett... the marriage bed, especially with you doesn't hold any charm for me."

His voice was slightly mocking but his eyes serious. What an egimatic man he was. A varmint and annoying. She had offered herself to him and he had refused! Her fists clenched.

"Oh! You'll regret this. There are plenty of men that would... w-well they would gladly have..." She stammered at a loss. She glared at him angrily as he sat there with his mocking grin.

"Indeed, I'm sure they would, my dear," he drawled. "But as for me I won't share your bed with Ashley in that fool head of yours. Mark my words, Mrs. Butler that I won't enter your bed again until I hear you confess your undying love for me."

"When hell freezes over!" She cried. Their gazes locked, both equally determined but Rhett looked away with something muffled under his breath. He rose to his feet.

"No, not that long, Scarlett. But I do believe our conversation is over." He bowed and headed for the door.

"W-where are you going?" she demanded.

"Inside for lunch," he said, his voice suddenly became soft. "Would you care to join me?"

"No!" she hissed and stomped angrily past him, opening the door and heading straight for her room. If she would have looked back she would have seen the disappointment in Rhett's eyes and the look of resignation but mostly defeat. One that knew that they were a lost cause.

TBC


	9. The Truce

Part 9

Note: Thanks for the reviews and I hope you all like this chapter better. Please read and review! Enjoy...

Scarlett knew she looked horrible. She hadn't eaten breakfast yesterday morning when Rhett had left nor had she ate lunch for she hadn't wanted to face him after her humiliation. Then Mammy had called her for supper but she had slept through that too. Which was just as well for she didn't have an appetite.

Now it was 8:30 in the morning and she was critically staring at herself in the mirror. Her face was so very pale and gaunt. She looked dead and lowered her face in her hands, suddenly so very tired for her twenty-seven years. She wished that Ellen were here or Melly. Why hadn't she called?

Smoothing her red robe she rose from the seat of her vanity and went back to sit on her bed. Later she would go out and face Atlanta. She would go see Bonnie's grave. She sobered at that thought. She didn't even like to see the five grave stones at Tara. She hardly visited mother and father's grave for it was too painful.

It reminded her of her loss and the old days that could never come back. But she knew with a sense of duty that she must go to Bonnie's grave. Maybe even Melanie would come with her, she needed Melanie's quiet strength desperately. And she knew Melanie would go with her.

For she remembered Melanie putting flowers on some strange soldiers grave and the old cats had been reprimanding and stunned. But Melanie hadn't listened. Besides it was the least she could do for she hadn't done much for Bonnie when she was alive. If only she could! To have another child to truly love and take care of... she suddenly wished there was such a child.

But it was no use for she wouldn't have another child. Wade and Ella were frightened of her and spiritless and Bonnie was dead. Rhett wouldn't even touch her or hold her after that night. He didn't want her and had proved it on numerous occasions. No, she would never have another child since Rhett wouldn't make love to her again.

There was still the hope that she might be carrying another child now but certainly she couldn't be that fortunate. It's as if life were paying her back for all the wrong things she had ever done. She wondered if she would ever have happiness and decided against it.

There was a knock at the door. Sitting straight up she figured it was Mammy to help her dress for the day. Rising to her feet she decided she would send Mammy away for she would dress later. Opening the door she said, "Mammy I..." then trailed off foolishly seeing Rhett dressed and freshly shaven staring at her with a smile and a tray of breakfast.

"I thought I'd return the favor," he simply said as she moved aside and he walked in her room. he surveyed it as she followed behind him. Turning he eyed her. "I didn't see you come down for supper."

"I was sleeping and well I wasn't hungry."

She expected him to say something mocking but he simply said, "Sit down." And when she complied he set the tray of biscuits and eggs on her lap and sat at the edge of the bed.

"But I'm not hungry..." she said in protest but looking at the food she saw that was what she really needed. Rhett always knew what she needed and felt a feeling of gratitude wash over her. Looking at him through her lashes she murmured, "Thank you. I guess I really was hungry."

"I gathered as much," he said with a smile. "How was your night?" He pulled out a cigar and leisurely began to smoke.

"Oh, it was all right I suppose. No more nightmares and I didn't wake up once." She curiously looked at him between her nibbles on the biscuit. "And how about you, Rhett did you sleep well?"

He shrugged. "I've had better nights. But it's nothing coffee won't cure. I had a cup before I came up here."

"Oh." She nodded feeling very awkward. She took a bite of egg deep in thought. She was glad Rhett was being so kind. She missed these days. She knew she should make him beg for her forgiveness about yesterday. He had humiliated her but somehow her anger had faded away and the words she thought she would never say came from her lips, "I'm sorry about yesterday."

His eyes met hers in surprise, his usual mask gone. "What are you sorry for?"

"Well I haven't been too agreeable lately and I've said some awful things to you. I've just been so tired and short of temper..." she trailed off. "But I am sorry."

"You're forgiven," he warmly said with a slight smile. "But I do understand, Scarlett, after what has happened this past week I believe it is safe to say that we can act disagreeable. So what are your plans for today?"

She was glad for the change of subject and told him how Melanie would be coming over later and that she would write a letter to Tara. Somehow she got to the subject of going to visit Bonnie's grave.

"Do you want to come with us?" she asked lightly, wishing that he would.

His eyes dropped and he deeply sighed. His eyes hopelessly met hers. "I don't think I could. I want to imagine her as she was. Sometimes at night I imagine she is only sleeping or off playing somewhere... and that she isn't dead and it's not my fault."

Scarlett's eyes widened. Of course he still blamed himself. She felt awful that she had blamed him and setting her tray off of her lap she scooted forward and placed her hand hesitantly over his. Their eyes met and she gave him a sad smile.

"It wasn't your fault, Rhett," she softly said. "Bonnie would have jumped any ways for she was just like pa. With his temper, Irish pride and determination. But it's not your fault Rhett Butler and I don't want to hear you blame yourself again. You once told me after Frank died that I couldn't change what had happened."

His other hand covered hers and he gave her a slight smile. "Thank you for that, Scarlett."

Their eyes met again; warmth and understanding flowing between them. Perhaps it was the first time they had truly understood one another with openness and caring, without barbs and anger between them. It was the first time they had reached some sort of middle ground. And Rhett moved forward as if he were going to kiss her. Scarlett's eyes fluttered closed in anticipation but suddenly a knock sounded at the door and she muttered, "Oh, can't they leave us alone?"

Rhett stood up and went to the door. Opening it Scarlett saw Melanie standing there and blushing. She was glad to see Melanie but couldn't she have waited a few minutes? Oh what bad timing!

"Come in Miss Melly," Rhett said.

"Oh thank you Captain Butler, I had no idea you were in here and I'm sorry to impose..."

"Nonsense," Rhett interrupted. "You aren't imposing. I was about to take my leave any ways. Isn't that right my dear?"

He was asking Scarlett and she merely nodded. "Yes, Melly you do know how Rhett is always disappearing into thin air. But do sit down next to me and we'll have a nice chat."

Melanie sat down on the chair next to Scarlett's bed and Rhett bowed. "Good-by Miss Melly." He looked at Scarlett and smiled. "I'll see you later, Scarlett."

Then he was gone and Scarlett watched the door for a moment longer then necessary. She wished he hadn't left and her eyes met Melanie's knowing ones.

"What a wonderful man Captain Butler is," she murmured.

"Yes he is," Scarlett agreed, surprised to find she meant the words. Oh he was a varmint but there were times he was so wonderful such as this morning. She took a bite of her eggs and sighed, they were cold. But she ate them any ways for she was famished and listened to Melanie talk about the news in Atlanta.

The moment Melanie and Scarlett stepped out of the carriage to the cemetery a feeling of unreality hit Scarlett. Bonnie's funeral had been yesterday, no the day before yesterday. Only two days ago had the funeral taken place. She couldn't believe her daughter was dead and that she lay buried.

The head stone read her name and the date of her young life. The ground around the stone was still soft and not yet blended with the other dirt. For a moment Scarlett felt as if she would sink into the ground and be swallowed up. She shivered as Melanie put an arm around her and both kneeled, placing the multi-colored bouquet of flowers gently in front of the marble headstone.

Rhett had chosen the best. It was ivory colored and the lettering with slanting black letters. A little cherub was on there in the corner, flying with a crown of flowers on her head, the long hair flowing in the wind. The lettering read: Bonnie Blue Butler; beloved daughter and sister. But Scarlett's face was oddly emotionless, as if this were a stranger's grave stone before her and not her own daughter's.

"I miss her, Melly," Scarlett softly admitted, still kneeling. She looked over at Melanie fiercely. "I do miss her and yet I push it from my mind. I can't bear to think about it, so I forget. Forgetting is much easier but then at night... At night the dreams always come back to haunt me."

"My poor darling. I know how much you and Captain Butler loved her. Oh, darling you should have seen Captain Butler when you were sick. He's always loved you and Bonnie so much you know."

"When I was sick?" Scarlett asked looking over at Melanie. "What do you mean about Rhett, Melly?"

"Why he was beside himself. He blamed himself and I never saw a man so worried." She blushed. "He was crying and beside himself with guilt."

Rhett crying over her? No, it couldn't be true, it couldn't. She suddenly rose to her feet with a devastated look that Melanie took for pain of the memory.

"Oh darling!" Melanie cried, near tears as she rose to her feet and embraced Scarlett. "How thoughtless of me. I know how much you wanted the baby..."

Scarlett, swallowed, she wouldn't cry. She had wanted the baby but Rhett hadn't. Just as he hadn't wanted her. She pulled away from Melanie and numbly made it to the closest oak tree, leaning against its massive trunk and taking deep breaths into her lungs.

"I didn't think he cared," Scarlett whispered to Melanie.

"He cared so very much. He constantly asked if you had called for him. And I know you would have but you were delirious."

She looked past Melanie. If it were true then Rhett did care. Unless he had just been feeling guilty. But Rhett crying, he never cried except over Bonnie for he had loved that little girl. But her? Didn't he despise her? But if he had wanted her then they had been at cross purposes. And then there was Ashley...

Her brow furrowed. She didn't know anything any more. Nothing in this world made sense. She didn't even know if she loved Ashley any more. Rhett had once said that Ashley didn't love her but loved Melanie. Well, tomorrow she would go to the lumber mill and speak with Ashley. She had to hear it from his own lips or else all hope was lost. Surely he did love her though for all the pain she had went through. Kicking Rhett out of her room and slaving away for him and risking her life and honor.

If he didn't love her, she had nothing to live for. Rhett didn't love her or need her. Bonnie was gone and her other children were afraid of her. Her soul cried out in despair as her dry eyes met Melanie's. She grabbed Melanie's hand tightly, drawing strength from her and smiled lightly, "Let's go, Melly."

And when Scarlett returned home after dropping off Melanie at her small home she was surprised to find Rhett absent. Mammy told her that he was in the backyard. He was standing in the yard, not hearing her quietly slipping out onto the verandah and watching him. His fists were clenched but in a smooth motion he lit a match and lit the broken jump on fire.

The jump easily lit up with a few matches and soon smoke began to rise and the acrid smell of fire rose to her nose, carrying in the light wind. And her mind went back to when Atlanta had been lit up in the orange flames and Sherman had marched through. Rhett had fought the fire, taking her out of Atlanta and waay from the hell and fear of it.

Rhett dashed the ashes with his foot and the jump broke even more until it was a pile of burnt rubble and ashes. He put the fire out but smoke still rose. The fire had died out along with the jump. She saw his shoulders straighten and then he turned. Their eyes met as he wordlessly walked past her and went into the house.

TBC


	10. Heaven Help Them

Part 10

Note: Thank you all for the reviews! I treasure them. I hope you all enjoy chapter 10.

"Ashley, how good to see you!" Scarlett cried happily as she came into his office. This had once been her office and she still missed the familiarity of it. She looked around and called herself a fool for letting Ashley buy her out of business. But she was so glad to see him!

His gray eyes registered surprise but he smiled and grabbed her hands. "How lovely you look my dear."

She smiled even though she knew she looked horrible. She was still in mourning and she knew she still looked as pale as a ghost. And she couldn't sleep most nights, she was sure there were bags under her eyes from nightmares... But at least someone thought her still beautiful. Certainly Rhett didn't.

"Oh how you do run on Ashley Wilkes," she chided. "I know I look awful."

"Even when you turn old and gray you'll still be the most beautiful woman my eyes have ever seen," he simply said.

She glowed with pleasure. Ashley thought her to be the most beautiful woman. Unlike Rhett who had once said he had seen more beautiful women then her. Suddenly, she felt hope once again in this world. Ashley still had to love her. And he was watching her quietly and intently.

"It's good to see you smile, Scarlett. I'm so sorry for what happened about Bonnie. No parent should have to go through with that. I can't imagine what Melly and I would do if anything happened to Beau..."

Bonnie, Bonnie, Scarlett thought but pushed the thought of her daughter from her head. They were quiet as she observed him with lowered lashes. She didn't feel the usual excitement in his presence that she felt but surely it was only because of grief and it would soon pass then everything would be the same again.

"I went to her grave yesterday with Melly," she slowly said, letting her bitterness show. "Oh and Ashley I can't stand it. Everything is as worst as it could be. Rhett is so quiet and I hate everyone's pity. I miss Bonnie and I never realized until now how much I loved her! Rhett said I didn't once but I did!"

His arm came swiftly around her. "Of course you do, darling."

He was speaking so tenderly to her and holding her as he had that day India and Archie had walked in on them. And once again there was no excitement at his touch. She looked at him and their eyes met. If he kissed her surely she would feel something.

"Ashley, I need you," she whispered. "Rhett doesn't love me, Bonnie is dead and... he doesn't care. Rhett has never cared about me. But I know that you love me. Kiss me just once."

She saw him waver, his arm tightened around her and a deep breath escaped his lips. "No Scarlett. I can't." But it was a loosing battle for he cursed in defeat and he kissed her gently, not at all like Rhett did.

She didn't feel excited and she didn't respond. Even when his hold tightened on her all she could do was think about Rhett. She pushed him from her mind and lightly kissed Ashley back but her heart wasn't in it. She was the one to swiftly break the kiss and her eyes darted the room in confusion.

"What's wrong with me? When you kissed me... I-" Scarlett trailed off her eyes widening. "Ashley you love Melly don't you?"

He nodded with defeat. "Yes, I do love her."

Scarlett nodded, feeling like her heart was slowly and painfully breaking. She realized she had been chasing after a dream, something that wasn't real. Ashley desired her yes but he didn't love her, not as he loved Melanie. Rhett had been right all along and she withdrew like a wounded animal, tears coursing down her cheeks.

Ashley reached for her but she stepped back, dashing her tears and forcing a smile. "I'm all right Ashley. I know you love Melly and not me. It's how things were meant to be. I'm glad to know the truth now. You needn't look so guilty. Life had dealt a harsher blow then this to me and I haven't been licked yet." Her face was set and her chin clenching like Gerald O'Hara's that Ashley recognized so well with admiration and despair.

"Be happy, Scarlett," he whispered. "You deserve it."

"No," she said, her eyes fierce. "I don't deserve happiness. I deserve misery and hell for all the things I have done. What an utterly stupid fool I have been! I- I suppose I never really loved you... Good-bye, Ashley."

She saw the defeated hunch of his shoulders as she turned and left. Truly this part of her life was over and had been slowly slipping away without her knowing it. Ashley was lost to her, and though she felt a twinge of pain that she had loved him and had lost that familiar feeling that had carried her through the years, somehow she didn't care.

She was too numb. She entered her carriage and felt pairs of eyes watching her. She had to go to Melanie's first however for she had promised to visit. She silently prayed that Rhett wouldn't be home when she returned. For how could she explain how wrong she had been?

Meanwhile Rhett was upstairs in the Girl of The Period saloon with Belle. He needed some sort of diversion from thoughts of Scarlett, Bonnie and the painful memories in that God forsaken monastery that he had never been able to call home. He hated that place and would have burned it down long before if he had the chance.

"Why are you here, Rhett?" Belle gently asked.

He stared at Belle in admiration as she sat lounging on a settee across from him. She was frank like Scarlett but she had a heart. That was the difference between Belle and Scarlett, Belle genuinely cared for him and would listen. Over the years he had come to her to talk and drink. He was free to be himself around her without fear of getting laughed at.

"Scarlett," he said. That was all that needed to be said. For Belle understood their stormy relationship and she nodded. She had been a spectator over the years and an ear to listen to Rhett's rants.

"I gathered as much. So how is she taking the accident?"

He was grateful she said accident instead of Bonnie's name. Belle was a whore but she understood him. And how he had loved Bonnie so much. She was much more of a lady then Scarlett had ever been.

He shrugged. "Scarlett has always taken things well. She didn't crack like I did. God Belle, I went crazy for a while. I miss her so much."

His eyes filled with tears that he hadn't shed for days. He hadn't cried since that day when he had been drunk. Now the memory of Bonnie's laughing blue eyes came to his mind and he shuddered. Belle slowly stood up and approached him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulders.

"It ain't your fault, honey," she soothed, kneeling down in front of him.

"That's what I keep hearing," he muttered thickly as his arms went around Belle and he rested his cheek against her red hair with a sigh. He felt no desire for her whatsoever as she felt no desire for him. That feeling was long passed and he only felt the need for friendship and understanding. Belle offered him this and he took her offering of comfort. Closing his eyes they sat silently.

"How are you and Scarlett?" She looked up at him as he pulled away and sat back with a thankful smile that diminished into an ironic twist.

The words flowed slowly from his lips. The agonizing repeat of the events of Bonnie's death, his near suicide, the funeral and then that night of passion with Scarlett. He then told her how Scarlett wanted to share his bed but he had refused her. As he had finished telling her that Belle chuckled huskily.

"What a fool you are, Rhett Butler. You are mad at your wife for kicking you out of her bed but when she invites you back in you refuse her. Sometimes I don't understand your thinking."

"I wouldn't expect you to understand Belle. But I'm through with her and her false pretenses. I'm tired of living a lie when she's still in love with that wood headed Ashley Wilkes. And I don't know if I love her anymore or have the desire to go through that business again."

Belle laughed lightly. "That's grief talking. I know you love her still for she is a poison in your blood, Rhett. I've known all along and so what if she think she loves Mr. Wilkes? Maybe try telling her the truth and she'll change her mind."

"No, not Scarlett. She never changes her mind unless it has to do with money and something to be gained."

"Rhett you don't know much about women's minds. When a woman is treated kindly and has the love of a man something happens. I tell you," Belle insisted, "I understand Miz Butler a whole lot more now. You've told me of all the things you've done to her. Goading her and being cold. It's a wonder why she would even think of loving you."

"So now your taking her side?" he incredulously asked, a frown on his face.

She laughed. "Of course not honey, I always take yours. I just understand that you have never been very kind to her, and have been driven by insane jealousy. She probably thinks you don't respect her or want her. So why shouldn't she give her heart to a man that accepts her for who she is?"

Rhett's brow arched. "That doesn't change the fact Belle that she doesn't care about anyone but herself and Ashley. Oh, well let them be happy together with their honor. I came to tell you I'm going to Charleston."

"Running away again?" she asked lightly. She knew Rhett would have hit her if she were a man. But she knew his temper and that he wouldn't strike her.

"Dammit Belle! You should understand that this town is suffocating me. It holds no charm for me since Bonnie is gone. She's the only thing that kept me here."

"The only thing?" she challenged with an arch of her brow. "No, Rhett your wife kept you here. And you're a fool if you run off again without telling her everything. Don't she deserve the truth? You ran off all those months ago to me after you drunkenly assaulted her and look what came of it. I never knew you to be a coward." She threw her hands up in defeat when he didn't reply.

He saw she was loosing her patience and she merely shot him an annoyed look. Leaning over he gave her an affectionate pinch to her cheek. "You're a good woman Belle. I'll go talk with her."

Belle watched him retrieve his hat and disappear out the door. She sighed, always love with people. Maybe if she were a different person or in a different time... she thought with an ironic twist of her painted lips. Oh, well she would leave the love to Rhett and Scarlett, heaven help them. She rose to her feet, she'd have to get back to business for it was hopping.

But when Rhett returned home looking for Scarlett he was informed by Prissy she had went to the lumber mill hours ago and hadn't returned.

TBC


	11. Tired Of Love

Part 11

Note: Thanks for all the reviews! Again I'll say I treasure them and all of you have a part of this story being posted. The reviews actually beat the number I recieved from Love In Tara! Yay! Enjoy and please review.

It was as silent house that Scarlett entered. It had been still and just as quiet since Bonnie's death one week ago today. A pang pierced her that it had only been a week ago yet it seemed like forever when the nightmare had begun. So much had happened... the children were gone, Bonnie dead, she had lost Ashley's love and Rhett and her were strangers still.

She was glad her shoes didn't make much noise on the heavily carpeted floor. She could sneak up to her room and lock the door behind her before anyone saw her. She couldn't see Rhett for he would know something was wrong. He always knew without her having to say a word. If she got up to her room she would be safe.

She saw no one in the foyer. Walking up the stairs she looked around and saw none of the servants or Rhett in sight. Once she reached the door of her room she nearly sighed in relief. Lightly opening it she slipped inside and wasn't prepared for the sight that met her eyes. Rhett was sitting in a chair near her open window.

"W-what are you doing here?" she asked biting her lip. She knew she looked like a guilty child. Surely he would leave but by his relaxed pose and the cigar he pulled out, he wasn't leaving any time soon.

"I came to speak with you. Where were you today, my pet?"

She felt cornered and nervously walked forward to sit down on a chair across from him. "Oh here and there," she lightly said.

"How was Ashley Wilkes?"

Damn him! How did he always know? She forced herself to remain calm and steady her breathing. If she told him Ashley was fine he'd mock her but if she told him she hadn't noticed, he'd know she was lying.

"Since when this concern for Ashley, Rhett? I thought you hated him."

He shrugged. "Hate is a strong word, my dear but I feel something very akin to hate for you at this moment."

"Me? Whatever did I do but have a visit-"

He crushed out his cigar angrily. "Enough with your lies, Scarlett. A visit? As if I would believe that after the incident oh about a few months ago. So my dear, did he hold you again or kiss you?"

He face flamed, giving away her answer. He laughed softly.

"So he did. How fickle you are my dear. Married to me and mourning for your daughter while all the while running to Ashley."

"But Rhett," she protested. "You don't understand-"

"I do understand," he roughly cut in, his eyes filled with hot rage. "Bonnie has only been in the ground a week and you run to your lover. You know what people are saying, Scarlett? I overheard talk today that you didn't love Bonnie and about your conduct at going to the mills even now when you don't own them."

Hot words flew to her lips. He was being unfair and she did love Bonnie! All of her losses swam before her eyes and to her mortification she began to cry. And not just light tears but she was sobbing so badly her body was shaking and she had to turn her face away from Rhett. She tried to compose herself but hiccuping sounds came from her mouth. She couldn't stifle them.

"I did love Bonnie!" she cried. She felt his arms come suddenly around her and she shoved against his chest before her arms wound tightly around him and she grabbed his lapels. "I did! I did!" she cried brokenly as Rhett wiped her tears and she looked up at him. She rested her head against his chest as he soothed away her hair with a sigh.

"I know you did," he simply said. He stepped back and handed her his handkerchief. "Never have I known you to have a handkerchief."

His eyes were oddly tender and before she knew it the words flowed from her lips of what Ashley had said. She wiped away her tears, clutching the handkerchief and told him the pain that she felt and the regret about Bonnie. She cried about what an awful person she was and how she didn't deserve happiness.

"Rhett, you must believe me. That day at the mil all those months ago, nothing happened. Ashley was only comforting me because I was crying."

"Why were you crying?"

"Well he was talking about the old days before the war and I looked back. I don't like to look back you know... You do believe me don't you?"

He nodded. "I suppose I do. If you were lying you'd think of a more outlandish lie."

"And the strange thing is, Rhett," she continued, "Maybe I never really loved Ashley. I suppose it's something I held onto. I don't know when I lost the feelings but somehow along the way I did."

He was staring at her kindly with a flame in his eyes she didn't understand, as he had in the old days. He was her confident once again and friend. She could tell him anything at that moment and wondered if she should ask him about what Melanie had said. No, she decided, she didn't want to ruin this moment. She could always ask him later.

"I know you probably think I'm silly," she said, looking away from his piercing eyes.

"Not at all, Scarlett,' he said, surprising her. "Dare I say I think you're growing up?"

She nodded, a glow of pleasure working up within her. There was admiration in Rhett's eyes, something she had never seen when he looked at her. "I suppose so. What a fool I was... Well I shall never love again. I don't want another man in my life to complicate things and tell me what to do. I've had a lifetime of men and I'm through with the lot of them! All of them see me as a petty creature that is a lady. Well I'm not a lady and well... I'm tired of love."

Rhett laughed. The sound so took Scarlett by surprise she gasped as she saw tears of mirth slowly making it to his eyes. He laughed long and hard and it was the first time she had heard him laugh in a long time, since before Bonnie's death. And suddenly she found herself joining in and laughter rang throughout the room until they were gasping for breath.

"Scarlett, Scarlett," he chided with a smile. "You aren't through with love. I admit it's a messy business and better left alone. But have you heard that saying, "it's better to have loved then not to have loved at all?"

She frowned. "I've heard it somewhere before. But I never loved Ashley and yet I do still care... I would rather have not loved him at all for what a waste it was! Now there is nothing left for me just an endless life of trying to be the lady my mother was. And I know that will never happen."

His brows rose in surprise. "Where's your spirit, Scarlett? You're actually giving up and letting life lick you?"

"Oh it won't lick me," she determinedly said, "But I'm through hoping for things that will never happen. Ashley and I never would have been together and I'll never be a lady. Now what's left?"

Rhett sighed. "I can't believe I'm saying this but Scarlett don't give up on love so soon. After all you have Wade and Ella, Tara and you still have money and a rich husband."

Scarlett frowned and laughed incredulously. "I can't believe I'm saying this but money doesn't buy happiness or love. I thought it once did, I wanted enough money so I could tell the whole world to go to Halifax. Now that I have all this money somehow I wouldn't care if it disappeared as long as Tara was safe."

"Tara will always be safe," he told her, "I promised you that long ago, my pet."

"Thank you, Rhett," she thankfully said with a small smile. "I do miss Tara and I'd like to go for a visit. I was thinking when you go to Charleston I might go to Tara with the children."

She didn't tell Rhett the fact that he was going to Charleston bothered her and she realized again he could be gone for months and she would miss him. She had missed him when he had left with Bonnie but he had been so cold. Her face became shadowed.

"What's wrong, Scarlett?" he asked.

He knew her too well. She pasted a smile on her face. "Nothing at all I was just thinking about today. I could strangle Ashley for not telling me... sooner. I'm so mad I could kill him! And I would if it weren't for Melly."

He softly chuckled. Rising to his feet he said, "I thought I'd never hear those words come from your lips, Scarlett."

"Me neither. Are you leaving?" she asked, suddenly feeling very lost and alone as Rhett was getting ready to leave.

"Yes, in a couple of days it will be one week and I promised Wade and Ella they could return if they liked. So I'm going to send them a telegram and wire them money to take the train back."

Rhett always kept his promises to the children. He had always been a good father, especially to Bonnie. She felt a sense of loss but not the piercing pain of before. "Will I see you for supper?"

"Yes," he called out as he turned on his heel and left, leaving Scarlett with her muddled thoughts.

TBC


	12. Tired Of Tears

Part 12

Note: I guess I have been neglectful since I haven't posted for a week or more. bad me haha. I'm sorry but I have been really busy since school has started up and I have been doing hours of homework (those college classes). And I was on vacation for a few days. But I hope you all enjoy this post even though it is short, because I might not be able to post the next chapter until the end of the week, but I will try. Thanks for the reviews and here is the next part.

The day passed uneventfully and turned to the next day. Scarlett forced herself to leave her room for she would have staid in there if she could. But Mammy wouldn't hear of it and she had to admit she was becoming restless. She thought she would go mad.

For she couldn't go outside because she was in mourning. She could have sat out on the verandah but there were too many memories that ate at her of Bonnie. Everywhere else in the house there was dark memories also. The darkness and silence of the house was maddening.

That was the reason that Scarlett went out of her room, inspecting the house. She didn't care what anyone said but she quickly pulled away the drapes away from the windows and brilliant sunlight filtered in. There were so many windows that she went to each one and did likewise until Mammy interrupted her with a stern grunt.

"Miss Scarlett whut ya doin'? De house is in mournin'. We ain't suppose to have light."

"Oh I don't care!" she cried, pulling another set of drapes away from the window. Mammy's eyes squinted with annoyance and Scarlett blinked against the light. it had been so long since she had seen light. She suddenly knew why Rhett called this place a monastery. Well she wouldn't live another day in the house like this.

"Now Miss Scarlett it ain't fitting to be changin' de house. Ye be a good girl and go rest," Mammy chided as she had when Scarlett was a little girl.

"Fiddle-dee-dee, Mammy! I'm not a little girl anymore. Just because I'm in mourning doesn't mean I'm going to live in this darkness." She pulled back more drapes in a flurry, with a satisfied smile on her face as she surveyed the once dark house alight with color and sunlight.

She looked around the house and memories came back of the children running around and laughing throughout the house. There had been happiness here once, especially with Bonnie's happiness and flashing dimples. She sadly smiled but pushed those memories away. She would be happy today. She wouldn't think about the accident or about Ashley if she could help it.

She knew lunch was approaching and Rhett had told her briefly that he would be home for lunch. She didn't know where he went and suspected it was Belle's. The thought angered her that she was stuck in the house and that he could traipse around as free as he pleased. Well she would speak with him about it today.

She walked to her room as Mammy angrily muttered that she was going to send Prissy in to help her with her hair. She smiled at Mammy's mutterings, for she found them so amusing. Once she was in her room she sat at her vanity and began to brush her hair in the age old ritual of one hundred strokes but after forty she got preoccupied with thoughts of how she would broach the subject of that creature with Rhett.

She opened her vanity drawer to rummage for pins when her hand settled on a familiar object. She gasped and with dread she knew what the object was the moment she stared at it. It was a picture of Ashley that she had for years now. She hadn't expected to see his face so soon and she recoiled, devestated as all the emotions rushed back to her.

Lowering her face in her arms, she allowed herself to cry for a moment. She cried for the loss of something she had thought so beautiful once and when it had been a figment of her imagination. Ashley had never loved her. And she suddenly wondered why she was so unlovable. She looked at Ashley's picture and ripped it up into small pieces, each piece falling on the top surface of the vanity.

True, she hadn't been the perfect lady or kind. She had to fight for what she wanted, regardless of others feelings. Suellen hated her for stealing Frank, most of Atlanta hated her and Rhett didn't love her. She knew her children must but they were afraid of her. She took in a few steadying breaths and quickly wiped her tears away with her hands. Looking in the mirror, her eyes were puffy and one would be able to tell she was crying.

A knock sounded at the door, interrupting her thoughts. It was Prissy to do her hair. The daft girl didn't do well with hair. She pulled her hair so and her hands shook awfully, annoying Scarlett to no end. But the finishing result was usually satisfactory. "Come in Prissy," she called out.

The door opened and the person that met her sight wasn't Prissy at all but Rhett. She averted her gaze but Rhett's brow creased and he could tell something was wrong with her.

"You've been crying," he said, shutting the door and walking towards her.

She thought of denying it but it would be silly to do so. "Yes..."

He stood behind her seated form as he so often had, in fact he had done so the last time she had kicked him out of her room. His nearness was exhilarating and her breath hitched as he placed his warm hands lightly on her shoulders and her eyes met his in the mirror.

"What's wrong, Scarlett?"

His voice was so caring that she sank back and rested her back against his strong body. He smelled no longer of whiskey but the familiar scent of brandy and cigars. With Rhett she always felt comforted somehow. She wondered why it was so but pushed the thought from her mind as she looked up at him.

"Why am I so unlovable? I know I'm not sweet and a lady but still everyone is mean spirited and hates me. And I forgot I- I had Ashley's picture and the things I wanted to desperately to forget came rushing back, Rhett. Oh! I'm so tired of crying. I've cried enough in a lifetime."

She swiped at her tears and before Rhett could hand her his handkerchief she grabbed the one he had handed her yesterday and blew her nose. "You must think I'm a crying jag," she said with a sigh.

"No, anyone that has been through as much as you have, Scarlett, deserves a cry."

She looked up at him and smiled. "We have been through a lot, Rhett. I never imagined when we married that any of this would happen... You still miss her don't you?" She couldn't say Bonnie's name but both Rhett and her were aware of Bonnie's absense now more then in the beginning.

He nodded with a sad smile on his lips. "She made my life complete. She truly loved me for the way I was and only wanted love. She was so trusting and innocent, only wanting to run free... I liked to imagine she was like you, a little girl again before the hardness of life took that away from her."

"I never knew," Scarlett whispered. Rhett had never spoken to her of his feelings as he had these past few days and she never relaized that he had likened Bonnie to her as a little girl. Bonnie had been the best part of their marriage, she suddenly realized. But they could never have her back.

He shrugged as there was a knock on the door. Prissy entered. "Care to join me in the parlor after your hair is done?" he asked lightly. She nodded as she watched him leave and braced herself for Prissy's prattling and hair pulling. She hoped she would be done soon. She was anxious to go to the parlor and join Rhett. Just why that was she didn't question, she was just so glad that he was present.

TBC


	13. Love Be Damned

Part 13

Note: Thanks for the reviews! You all are awesome. While I would love to drag on this story and I have loved writing it, I decided that I would write a shorter story then Love In Tara. Therefore Living Another Day has one more chapter and then it's finished. Please read and review, they are always appreciated and keep me writing.

"The house looks better," was the first thing Rhett said when Scarlett entered the parlor fifteen minutes later. He was standing by the sideboard and pouring himself a drink. Turning back to her he held out a glass to her and she gratefully took it.

"I couldn't stand the darkness anymore," she said as she sat on the love seat and made room for Rhett to sit next to her. With one hand she arranged her skirts and smiled up at Rhett in invitation to sit beside her. He seemed to waver for a moment before he sat next to her and his nearness made her heart beat rapidly.

Great balls of fire, she chided herself, it's not as if I were in love with him. He's Rhett and I've known him for years. But how could she explain this foreign feeling of longing for him to be near and to be in his presence? She realized she looked forward to seeing him in the mornings now and throughout the day.

"I'm glad your taste had seemed to change," he commented, flashing his animal-white teeth. "This house was unliveable with it being so dark. I admit I wanted to rip those blasted drapes off myself."

Laughter bubbled to her lips. It was wonderful to laugh again and be with Rhett. She wondered why it couldn't have been like this before? But she knew the answer was because she had been pining after Ashley and not able to admire Rhett before. She did enjoy his company, she always had. Rhett joined in on her laughter with a low chuckle and a grin. After their laughter had subsided there was a brief silence.

"Rhett," Scarlett seriously said with an uncertain look on her face. "I wanted to speak with you about something but promise me you won't get mad and run off."

His brows rose as he leaned back and crossed his legs. His thigh brushed against hers and her breath caught as he murmured, "Very well. Pray continue, Mrs. Butler."

"Well I was hoping- that is asking for you to quit going to Belle's. It's not fair that I'm stuck here while you go traipsing off to that place and around town."

"What is upsetting you, Scarlett?" he slowly asked, his eyes searching hers. "That I'm having fun while you're not or the thought that I'm having relations with Belle?"

"Well aren't you?" she blurted out and turned her eyes from his. "Never mind, don't tell me, I don't want to know the details. I just don't see why you get to have all the fun and why you have to run off to that creature-"

"Do I detect jealousy?" he silkily asked.

She shot him a glare and let out a frustrated breath. "That's beside the point. Will you stop going there?"

"No, Scarlett. Why should I? I never told you that you couldn't go to the mills. I put a lot of money into that business."

"How much money?" she suspiciously asked.

His brow quirked. "A generous amount. Scarlett, I enjoy going there and having conversations and having a drink or two. What's really bothering you is the fact you think I'm intimate with Belle is that it?"

She didn't answer.

"It is," he answered for her. "Why should it bother you? Before you didn't care whose bed I was in as long as it wasn't yours."

"Well it's different now," she snapped. "I told you that I don't love Ashley any more and that I wanted to- well that I wanted us to be- you know what I mean."

"Yes, I do. But how do I know you won't change your mind once I come back to your bed? Once you decide you don't want anymore children or don't want me. Why do you want me back in your bed, my pet? Answer me truthfully for you don't love me."

"Why should it matter, Rhett? Isn't it enough that I want you and that you needn't worry about Ashley anymore?"

"No it isn't enough," he slowly answered and rose to his feet, pacing. Scarlett watched him with wide eyes as emotion blazed in his eyes as he suddenly stopped and his eyes bore into hers. "Even after all this time, you don't understand anything unless it's spelled out do you? Dammit Scarlett, I don't want just your body and part of your thoughts, I want everything or nothing at all."

Her eyes widened as realization suddenly dawned on her. Rhett wanted all of her for he loved her! No, it couldn't be true for he said that he didn't love her repeatedly. Then the passionate words of that night floated back to her. He had said he loved her and had proved it the way he had made love to her. And that night he had said it, but had taken it back.

"Y-you love me." She could hardly breathe as she stared up at him confusedly. His eyes didn't deny it and he raked a hand through his hair.

"Heaven help me, yes," he dragged out. "I have loved you for years. I was driven by insane jealousy to posses you and for you to love me. I married you, wanting to protect and love you. I would have given you anything, Scarlett. No man could have loved you more then me but you didn't want me. I thought Bonnie would have changed things, but still you didn't want me. At least Bonnie wanted me and loved me. For you never loved me my dear. I hoped you would have called for me when you were sick and it was all my fault, but you didn't. Then Bonnie died." He swallowed. "I wasn't sure if I loved you anymore... God, I nearly went crazy. And knew that when she died, she took everything with her."

He had wanted her! And he loved her. She knew he wasn't mocking her. He had bared his soul to her and she saw the torment in his eyes. The pain he had always hidden with his mocking laughter as if he didn't give a damn. She didn't know how to feel at his admission but was shocked to her very soul. Rhett Butler loved her and for once in her life she didn't know how to handle the admission. She had been able to laugh it off in the past but now...

"Do you still love me, Rhett?" she softly asked, realizing she was hanging on the next word he said.

"Yes," he said as if the very sound was dragged from his throat. It was curt and stiff. He stared at her, his eyes blazing with anger and passion. "But if you think you can use this against me, you are sadly mistaken. You are so cruel to those that love you. You hold it over ones head like a whip. Well, my dear I won't be controlled by you even if I do love you. Enough is enough, love be damned Scarlett and I am still leaving."

He turned on his heel and left out of the parlor. Only when he was gone did Scarlett realize the slight tremor in her hands. Rhett loved her against his will and seemed to hate the idea. Was it so awful loving her? She then realized, sadly it was. All those that had ever loved her either died or went through torment. She wondered why Rhett loved her, for she didn't like herself very much and couldn't comprehend how he loved her after she had been so mean to him, loving another man and kicking him out of their room.

"Damn you, Rhett Butler," she whispered, "Why must you love me now?"

And when Mammy came to get her to announce lunch was ready, Scarlett told her she wasn't hungry and fled up to her room. She would be able to think there and be safe. She couldn't face Rhett again. She couldn't!

TBC


	14. Hope or Despair?

Part 14

Note: This is not the last chapter. Sorry it's been so long to post but I have been busy with school and sick. Thanks to missysammy who said I would be rushing the story with only one chapter left. Which I knew haha but I needed a reminder. So next chapter is the last. Thank you Tudavant, Lulu0814, Tohru 12, Joyce Lakee and violet blossom for your reviews! They are very appreciated and you know I love each one of them. I hope you enjoy and please r&r. This is a short chaper but the next one will be longer. I tried to make Scarlett in character but it was hard...

The next day after Rhett's admission, Scarlett found herself in the Wilkes' parlor waiting for Melanie. She was shaken to her very soul from Rhett's admission. And she had run like a coward early in the morning before the house had awakened. Of course Rhett had left, no doubt to the bank, she didn't want to think of the possibility that he had went to Belle's after he had said he loved her.

She didn't know how she felt about Rhett's love for her. She was shocked and a feeling of hope, excitement and despair rose up in her. Did she dare hope Rhett and her could be happy? She wanted to desperately believe it but she was brought back to the fact that she didn't love Rhett... or at least she didn't think she did.

It was too soon to think about the possibility. She had just lost Bonnie and Ashley. She needed a time to heal and for her wounds to mend. Where was Melanie? Scarlett tapped her foot gently against the hard wood floor and sighed. She needed to speak with Melanie and pour her heart out to her. Melly would understand, she always had.

The door opened and Scarlett quickly rose to her feet and smiled. How wonderful it was to see Melanie! Melanie's face had a gentle smile on her face but her brows were puckered with worry.

"Darling, you're so pale... did anything-"

"No, Melly," Scarlett assured with a smile. "I only wanted a visit and well I can't be at home. Rhett- well it's so hard to explain."

"Please bring us a tray of tea, Pansy," Melanie softly ordered to her servant. The girl gave a cursty and seemed calmed by Melanie's voice. Scarlett knew everyone, servants and people alike loved Melanie. And where once it had caused her envy, Scarlett was glad that she was the closest to Melanie.

Melanie sat down beside her and took Scarlett's cool hand in hers. "Now darling tell me what's the matter."

"I-oh Melly, Rhett says well- that he loves me."

Melanie looked surprised then to Scarlett's horror, burst out laughing. Her face was alight with laughter and she placed a hand over her heart.

"Fiddle-dee-dee! Why are you laughing?"

Melanie's face then had a look of amazement. "You mean you didn't know that Captain Butler loves you surely-oh but, darling why it's evident! The way he dots over you and why how he took us out of Atlanta. The way he loved Bonnie..."

Scarlett's throat caught and she blinked away her tears. Bonnie, somehow she knew that thinking of Bonnie would always hurt. Rhett must be still suffering from the pain. She wanted to run home to him and tell him she did care, but love? She didn't know if she loved him. She was awfully fond of him and at times she almost...

"I don't know, Melly. I just don't know anything anymore. Nothing makes sense since Bonnie died and Rhett... Oh, I don't know how to feel or what to think."

"None of us rarely do darling but I always knew that I loved Ashley as I know Captain Butler loves you so. Be kind to him darling. I know you two can be happy. I'm sure of it! Why, I wish everyone was as happy as Ashley and I..."

Scarlett looked over at Melanie and saw the love shining in her eyes. She patted Melanie's hand. "I don't know about being that happy."

Pansy came in with the tray of tea and after she had left, Melanie poured Scarlett a cup and handed it to her. She gingerly sipped the hot liquid and was grateful for the warmth in her body. She felt cold and chilled to the bones.

"Now darling," Melanie said, "Let me speak and don't interrupt. I never believed any of that gossip about Ashley and you because I know how much Captain Butler loves you and how much you love him."

Oh if only you knew Melly, Scarlett thought sadly. Melanie could never know how long she had chased Ashley. How long she thought she had hated her. But her love Rhett? She tried not to think about it but it was there, looming and looking her in the face. Did she dare let herself entertain these feelings?

"Mama," Beau yelled, pushing the door open, he ran into the parlor with a grin. And then seeing Scarlett he paused on his route to his mother. "Auntie, no one told me you were here."

Scarlett smiled at the small replica of Ashley as he ran over to her. He gave her a big hug. Her arms tightened around the boy and she wished briefly that her children were like this around her. Not afraid of their own shadow or afraid of her. Then she thought of Bonnie and she felt her throat tighten. Forcing a smile on her face she looked at Beau.

"How is my best nephew?"

"I'm your only nephew," he reminded her. "I'm doing good. Can I come over soon and see Wade, Ella and Uncle Rhett? He told me that he would show me his battle scar."

It was evident Beau loved Rhett. His battle scar indeed. An image came to her mind of Rhett swinging his watch in front of Bonnie and her trying to grasp it. Bonnie had been a little over a year and Rhett had shown his scar to Wade. She placed her hand on her temples.

"Darling will you please be an angel and tell your father to tell the cook that Scarlett will be having lunch with us."

"Oh, I couldn't," Scarlett cut in with a tired sigh. "I don't want to over stay my welcome and-"

"Nonsense. Will you do that for me Beau?"

He nodded vigorously and ran off with an excited shout in the halls. Scarlett smiled a ghost of a smile. How resilient children were. Her and Rhett's world had been torn a part but the children were able to laugh and act as if nothing had happened. If only it were that easy...

She didn't realize she was crying until she felt Melanie's arms around her. Then did she let herself cry large gulping sobs. Inside her heart cried, "Oh Rhett what are we going to do? Will life ever be the same again?" Somehow she couldn't imagine ever being happy again.

TBC


	15. The Nightmare is Over

Tohru12: Thanks for your review! I hope this chapter meets your expectations.

Missysammy: You did convince me to write the last chapter. I would write more but sadly this is the last chapter. Don't worry though, I have another story in progress.

violet blossom: You are quicker then I am! I hadn't realized I never finished writing what Melanie was going to say. haha But I don't think I will so I'll leave it up to your imaginatation. Thanks for the review!

Maria aka Tuduvant: Sorry to mispell your name! I loved your review. It's the longest I've ever had! Anyways no matter how much I love your reviews, you must continue your story! Please! And about Ashley being dead? I don't know what you mean? he didn't die... he might in the future... just kidding. Thank you for loving my story and your reviews.

Joyce Lakee: Thanks for your review. I love your story even if I don't get around to reviewing that much. I'm glad you think I have a lot of emotion since that is my goal. I hope you enjoy.

Now without furthur adieu Part 15

Rhett Butler knew he was a fool. He had admitted his love to Scarlett exactly two days ago and hadn't seen her since then. It wasn't from his lack of trying but she had seemed to vanish from the face of the earth. Every time he asked for her, she was either at the Wilkes' or in her room, not to be disturbed.

He knew he shouldn't have told he loved her. He hadn't intended to. But the words burned in his throat and he had said them against his will. He hadn't expected her to accept his words with open arms and fall at his feet. God, he didn't expect her to say she loved him, for he knew she didn't give a damn.

It was exactly a week today when he had made his promise to her about staying and now he was leaving. He had kept the end of his bargain and that was that. He had just picked up Wade and Ella from the depot and had went to the Wilkes' to pick up Beau.

A dense mist covered all of Atlanta and obscured anyone's sight. Many didn't venture out but the weather wouldn't keep him in. He was leaving, even if he didn't see Scarlett before he left. He would leave her the note he had written telling her of his departure.

What an interesting thing the weather was. It changed so rapidly as life changed. He wouldn't have thought he'd be leaving Scarlett. For he was leaving her in a way. He wouldn't be returning for months. Only he wouldn't be divorcing her. For he still had morals even though he wouldn't admit it. And he didn't want to see the children suffer, for the world was such a cruel place and they had seen enough cruelty in their lifetime.

He closed the last of his bags. He didn't have much for he didn't need it. This place had only been a home to him when Bonnie was alive. Now that she was gone, it was almost as if he was living in an hotel. A temporary place. He only had two bags and with one last glance at Bonnie's small bed he left the room and walked down the hall to the children's room.

He set down his bags and pushed open the door. He was met with the sight of Beau, Wade and Ella playing war. It was too foggy to go outside so they were playing in this small room. They were chatting lively and yelling with loud voices. A sad smile tilted the corner of his lips and only Ella noticed him in the doorway.

"Uncle Rhett!" she squealed and threw herself in his arms. The boys quit talking as he picked her up and held her, soothing her hair and giving her a kiss to the cheek.

"Thank you, honey. Are you glad to be home?"

She nodded vigorously. "Yes, I missed you and mother so."

He set her down with a smile and looked at the two boys. They were growing up quick. "Hello Beau. What are you and Wade playing?"

"War, Uncle Rhett. One day Wade and me will be soldiers like our fathers."

He ruffled the boy's fair hair and gave him a wink. "I'm sure you'll make us all proud and you too, Wade."

Wade beamed and so did Beau. He would miss the children but he needed peace from Scarlett. He would have taken the children with him but they were first Scarlett's as Bonnie had been his first. But Bonnie was gone and there was not a damned thing he could do about it.

He held open his arms. "Come over here all of you and give me a hug. I'm leaving for the train."

All three ran over to him and nearly knocked him over with their tight embraces. When they pulled away, Ella looked up at him with sad eyes.

"Oh, Uncle Rhett, must you leave?" She looked over at the window. "Surely the train won't leave when it's so foggy out."

He smiled. "I'm afraid Ella the train always leaves sun or rain. But I'll send you all presents form Charleston and I'll write you. Now how does that sound?"

She launched her small body at him and gave him another fierce hug. "I don't care about presents Uncle Rhett as long as you come home. I'll miss you so much."

"I'll miss you too," he said with feeling. Looking over at Wade he smiled. "And when I'm gone, son I'll need you to look after your mother. Will you do that for me?"

Wade nodded and with a small wave, the children chorused good-byes to him as he walked out of the door. He heard their playing resume as he grabbed his bags and walked for the stairs. He saw Mammy and smiled.

"I couldn't leave without saying good-by to you, Mammy."

"I sure hope not, Mistha Rhett," the old woman chided. "But don't be gone too lon' Mistah Rhett, de house will be awfully lonesome without ya here. Miss Scarlett will miss ya somethin' fierce."

"I won't Mammy. Watch over the children and Miss Scarlett for me. Scarlett's such a child you know and she's been through a lot. She's not as strong as she thinks."

Mammy nodded. "I's will. And ye take good care of yerself too."

"I will Mammy, I will. Good-by... oh and can you please give this note to Scarlett." He handed her a simple note. "I don't want to disturb her."

Mammy said she would and he walked down the stairs, a bitter twist upon his lips. So this was the end of life as he had known it with Scarlett. Even now he wanted to open her door and pull her body against his. He would miss her glares and the sound of her voice. Even her stubbornness. But the end was the end and he knew when it was over. He was a man that knew a lost cause when it stared him in the face.

Opening the door, he looked out. The fog was even more dense and he could barely see anything in front of him. How ironic that this mist was something like Scarlett's dream. How many times had she had this reoccurring dream and would wake up crying? He would hold her and soothe her, glad that she came to him. But she hadn't wanted him anymore or his comfort.

He wondered why he was thinking about her now? He wanted to forget her and leave her behind in Atlanta. But she would always haunt him, even in Charleston he wasn't safe from her. He would want her to his dying day and would love her. What a misfortune to love a woman that didn't want him. He had once laughed at the Greek tragedies but now he understood them.

He made his way out of the door and closed it behind him. Tipping his Panama hat on his head, he began to whistle softly as he made his way through the gate and turned left for the depot. The depot wasn't that far but the walk gave him much needed air and cleared his mind. He began to whistle "When This Cruel War is Over" as he made his way through the overshadowing fog in long strides. His only intent was leaving, he wouldn't even say a farewell to Belle but would send her a message later.

"Rhett! Rhett!" a voice flittered through the fog and his heart stopped. He shook his head with a slight smile of irony. He thought he had heard Scarlett's voice. Maybe he was becoming senile. Even her voice haunted him... He continued walking.

"Rhett, wait for me!" he heard the cry again and stopped. There was the quick clicking of feet against the ground and turning around Rhett saw her. She wasn't a vision or some figment of his imagination. She stood there, face pale and clutching an handkerchief, the fog swirling about her. He couldn't have been more surprised and gauged the feeling of hope that rose in him.

"Scarlett..."

"When Mammy handed me the note I rushed out here, hoping you hadn't left," she said quickly, her chest rising and falling rapidly. "Please don't leave. I need you and the children need you. If you go... what shall I do?"

"I don't know, Scarlett," he heavily said, staring down at her with a speculating look. Her eyes were wild and her hair tumbling about her face. "I'm tired of everything, my dear. This sham we call marriage and loving someone you can never have. Do you know what I mean?"

"No, I don't understand. For I- I never loved, Ashley. But Rhett we can have a second chance. I did call for you when I was sick but I thought you didn't want me and I- I did want the baby but I couldn't tell you when you were so mocking. I do care."

"Care? God it's not enough." He laughed with no mirth. He took a step near her and dropped his bags. Grabbing her shoulders he pressed her body near him even though he knew it was a mistake, he had to touch and hold her one last time. "Tell me you love me, Scarlett and I'll never leave you."

He was looking intently at her face and he saw her eyes dart frantically as he lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her with all the love he had held back, he kissed her desperately and his mind was lost in the swirling fog and her lips under his. He pulled back as she stared up at him with a look of amazement. "Tell me you love me," he demanded and kissed her again. "I know you do..."

"I love you," she whispered and Rhett pulled away, instantly sobered from the passion he had felt. He looked down at her intently. She was staring at him with her mouth slightly open and a look of endearing confusion on her face, as if she were slowly waking from a dream.

"You mean it?" he asked, his heart in his throat. "You don't want to take it back? Or was it just to make me stay?"

"N-no," she breathed, shaking her head. "I only realized how much I love you. I do love you, Rhett. My whole life I've been searching for something. You were the one I was searching for in the mist. I knew it when you left and I chased after you. I thought I must not let him leave for I'd go crazy if he didn't know that I do care."

"Tell me again," he begged.

"I love you, Rhett. And I won't let you go. Please tell me you'll stay or I'll chase you every step of the way to Charleston. I'll-"

His lips silenced hers and her arms crept around his neck. They both were lost in the kiss and swirling fog around them. It was a fervent kiss of feelings too long held back and they both trembled under the force of it. Finally, Rhett was the one that pulled away and stared down at her, their eyes meeting and glowing with passion and love. He dragged his eyes from hers and looked around them.

"You'll catch your death. I'm afraid I was caught up, you know I have waited so long to hear those words from you..." He bent and picked up his bags with one hand and put his right one around her, drawing her close to his body. "Let's go home."

She smiled up at him, the first true smile he had seen on her face in a long time. One that wasn't calculating but genuine. Her lips were curved softly and there was a softness about her he had never hoped to see when she looked at him.

"It's finally home, Rhett," she said. "Now that we're truly together and I found what I was looking for. How long have you loved me?"

Her eyes were sparkling and he softly chuckled. "I'll tell you some other time."

"I'll hold you to your promise," she said, leaning her head against his shoulder as they walked forward through the mist.

No more words had to be said as they walked down the street towards the gate of their home. Opening it, Rhett and her slipped in and looking over at her, he still couldn't believe she loved him. He had waited years and now what he had wanted was right in front of him. He felt uncertain and scared to death that tomorrow she would change her mind and use his love against him.

But he had to give it a try. For he would always regret it if they didn't have a chance. Opening the front door, Scarlett grabbed his hand and they walked in together. The children were waiting by the door with anxious faces but smiled once they saw that Rhett had returned and their parents were holding hands. Wade and Ella dashed towards Rhett and Mammy had a huge smile on her face.

"Uncle Rhett, Uncle Rhett! You came back!" they all cried in unison and rushed towards him. Rhett grabbed them and gave them big hugs.

"I knew you'd come back," Ella whispered, looking up at him.

He smiled. "I couldn't stay away. Your mother is very persuasive." He looked over at Scarlett and she shyly smiled as she drew near to him and looked up at him. As punctual as always, Rhett saw Mammy hustle down the rest of the stairs and usher the children upstairs. He smiled gratefully for he wanted time with Scarlett and to make a sense of all that had transirped. The children's merry voices disappeared down the hall and they were completely alone now.

"Let's go into parlor, honey," he said, grabbing her hand. "You look like you're about to fall over."

"So much has happened Rhett in such little time. I do need to sit down..."

They walked together across the foyer into the parlor and Rhett shut the door behind them as Scarlett sat down and she made room for him to sit down next to her on the settee. He was pleasantly surprised when she leaned over and rested her head against his shoulder and deeply sighed.

"I always loved your smell of cigars and brandy," she muttered against his shoulder. "You've always made me feel safe."

"I'm glad. That's all I've ever wanted to do, Scarlett is for you to feel safe and warm. To quit struggling."

He thought of Bonnie and his face became shadowed. He had wanted Scarlett to be as carefree and happy as Bonnie. How he missed her. He felt Scarlett's hand on his cheek and looking down he saw her staring up at him with a small smile, her head still resting against his shoulder.

"The nightmare is over now, isn't it Rhett?"

Wrapping his arms around her, he buried his face in her hair. He had finally found the comfort he had needed since Bonnie's death and he sank against Scarlett as she wrapped her arms around him.

"Yes, my darling. The nightmare is over."

"I'm glad," he heard her murmur.

He soothed her hair gently. It's almost as if Bonnie were here, watching them with a sweet smile and he could almost hear her voice and the patter of her feet as he would hear when she ran across the room. He would never forget her, but in time both Scarlett and him wouldn't look back with so much pain. Later, they could pick up the broken pieces of their marriage and learn to live again.

But for now he was content to be holding the woman he loved in his arms and to have her return his love. He had lost Bonnie but he would always remember the good times. And he had gained Scarlett's love and a new chance to live another day without shadows in between them. His eyes met hers and they kissed, a slow and sweet kiss. One that took away the past pain and cruel words they had shared over the years. They weren't a lost cause after all.

The End


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